I’ve been sexually active with my partner for around three months now and I enjoy having sex with him, but I’ve never been able to orgasm. We’ve tried different things and it’s pleasurable but I just can’t orgasm and I don’t know why. I know I’ve fucked up by lying and saying I did when he asks and not telling him sooner and the more I wait the worse it’s going to get but at this point I don’t know how to bring it up without making him feel bad.
4 comments
Do you think he’s been close? My recommendation would be to make the conversation less about the orgasm itself and more about increasing and introducing the activities that bring you closer to one. Things like, I love it when you touch me like this, and I think it would be really sexy if you also… or do you know what might be hot to try?
Have you orgasmed before with someone else? With yourself?
Conversations like that can be awkward but less than resentfulness down the road from a substantial orgasm gap. If you focus on sex is a pleasurable thing we do together and not did I have an orgasm, I’d imagine (but I’m a dude so somewhat out of my element) that it ultimately has a better chance of finally having one.
I’m going to be pedantic here but with a purpose:
No one can “make you orgasm”. And likewise, you can’t make anyone come either. We orgasm and our partners can *help* but in order for them to help, *they need to know what to do*.
Maybe your partner is under-experienced or whatever, but if you’re not explaining to him “this is what I need to help” then this is your responsibility too. We all owe it to ourselves *and* our partners to advocating for our own pleasure, orgasms included. Expecting anyone to have that figured out for you is a mistake.
So: go to your partner and tell him, “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up sooner because I’m too embarrassed to/I didn’t know what to say/whatever but I’m not climaxing when we have sex. Again, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner but I’d really like to have that experience and is this something you can help me with?”
His response *should be* “yes, of course.” (Though the two of you may need to talk about why you waited three months to bring this up).
But it’s just that simple. Please remember though, it’s not his job to “make” you orgasm. Only you can orgasm; he’s there to help you.
Have you tried telling him what will bring you to orgasm?
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>I don’t know how to bring it up without making him feel bad.
That would be because you can’t. Just gotta bite the bullet and communicate. You just also need to have at least an ounce of tact about it and to not be a rude asshole.
You cant bring it up without making him feel bad.
Just be honest, tell him why you lied and then try to work it out.
Can you orgasm through masturbation?
Do you know what turns you on?
Can you tell him, how he can make you orgasm?
Did you try toys?
You need to tell him what you need to relax and cum. You cant expect from him to know how to do it. It takes experience and feedback.