am i being dramatic about not wanting to be “repositioned” during sex?

24 comments

1. It could be a habit of his that will take some time to break. Every woman I’ve been with has liked being thrown around like that in sex so maybe it’s something he’s gotten used to doing because his previous partners enjoyed it.

   He should still respect your wishes though and treat you the way you want to be treated.

2. Yeah the heat of the moment can cloud his judgment but this is not an excuse for him to not respect your boundaries. Next time he does it if you don’t feel ok just stop. You can withdraw consent at any point during sex. You will see how fast he will memorise this one simple rule.

3. You have to tell him to stop. It’s pretty common. I do it to my wife and she will do it to me. She will push me off and do cowgirl or reverse cowgirl.

4. Are you speaking up in the heat of the moment or are you passively accepting it every time he does it and only complaining afterward?

5. So… maybe next time he forgets, you remind him by stopping all festivities. You don’t have to be a dick about it: just tell him that it put you out of the mood and ask him to please remember next time.

   This isn’t meant to be a punishment, just to bring across how strongly you feel.

6. Totally understandable not to want that. Many do, and that might be where he got it from, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask otherwise.

   Next time, lay down the law at the start, say that from now on, zero tolerance, and then if he still does it, stop. If he ignores your wishes after repeated reassurance, then he doesn’t get what he wants either. Basically connect your discomfort with his disappointment. It’s sad you might have to resort to that, though. Make sure to always advocate for yourself.

7. He is concerned about himself not you. It’s all about his pleasure not yours.

   You might want to think this over in light of other “little” things he does.

8. If you don’t say anything to him he won’t know….

9. No, a partner ignoring a boundary you’ve expressed explicitly multiple times is not normal. And being in the heat of the moment is not a valid excuse for this kind of behavior either.

10. It sounds like you two need to work on communication during sexy times.. I think you both need to learn how to start talking about your needs and boundaries during sex

11. If you’ve brought it up before then try being more stern with your phrasing. Personally I often try to soften what I am saying because I don’t want to hurt them and it can end up undermining what I’m trying to convey. You should also stop sex if he does it again after this and let him know that it’s ruined the moment for you and you’re not enjoying it so won’t continue tonight. Make sure your boundaries have consequences. You should use your best judgement here too and ask yourself how you would behave if it was reversed because sometimes they do understand they just don’t care and value their own pleasure above your comfort.

12. You know him better than we do, so it’s up to you to decide if it’s genuinely a bad habit rather than him disrespectfully ignoring your boundaries.

    I’m with the people who say immediately end the sexual encounter whenever the behavior happens. Let him know beforehand that the next time he moves or pushes you during sex, you’re going to stop. And actually follow through if he does it.

    You don’t have to be angry or huffy about it. Just calmly inform him about why you’re stopping, and stop. Hopefully after a few instances he’ll learn to be more mindful of your needs.

13. Ever thought about changing positions yourself and making it more interesting? You have any idea how boring and exhausting it is to plow the girl full on when she just laying there the whole time…

14. It’s not normal. He needs to understand boundaries, especially if you are repeatedly telling him. I would say either he let you take the lead for a while (discuss the change of plans first during a neutral situation), or completely terminate the encounter, should it happen again.

15. So me personally I find that re adjustment thing super hot. Sounds like y’all gotta communicate cause I love when my bf does that

16. I think you have to really clear about this to him because it’s sorta out of the norm. Nothing wrong with it but most guys think girls like to be manhandled a bit.

17. You are never dramatic for disliking something or being uncomfortable with it. Even if you’re weary because you are younger. In a relationship, even if it’s casual, you should always communicate your preferences and desires. Relationship are not jobs, and they are not mandatory. The whole point of being with someone is to enjoy life with them. The most important thing is being able to communicate, being comfortable and being happy.

18. I absolutely hate hate hate it when men do this. My husband and I rarely fight but I have gotten really angry with him for doing stuff like this before. I’m a person so you can’t just move me and fuck me however you want without checking. Also my orgasm takes a shitload more time and concentration than his does so for him to just unilaterally blow up those efforts just feels like such a gigantic sexual fuck you. If this happened with any kind of regularity while we were dating I would have dumped him.

19. If you end the sex immediately that he throws you around or is aggressive, he will very quickly learn never to do it again

20. God damn. The number of comments here by dudes explaining how women like to be fucked is impressive. It doesn’t matter how many other people like a thing – if you don’t enjoy it, nobody should be doing it to your body. You’re not being dramatic. You aren’t the one interrupting sex here – he is. One of my partners doesn’t like his nipples touched. I’m in the habit of playing with people’s nipples during sex, but I haven’t once forgotten and done it to him.
    I would maybe have one more conversation with your boyfriend about this. My personal script would go something like this:
    “Every time we talk about this I see a temporary change, and then you start right back up again. So I want to run this scenario by you: if I were to behave this way with you outside of sex – if when I wanted something from the fridge and you were in the way I grabbed you and shoved you aside, or if you were brushing your teeth and I needed the bathroom and I just took you by the shirt and dragged you out of the way without saying anything – what would your response be? How many times would you feel like you needed to say, “Hey, stop pushing me around, maybe use your words,” before you just felt kind of angry and baffled?
    Please tell me how you think we should solve this, because I really like you and want to keep sleeping with you, but this isn’t ok.”
    And then…see what he says. Maybe the solution is to temporarily stop sex every time he does it until he gets out of the habit. If so, please try to remember that, again, you aren’t the person being difficult here.
    Best of luck.
    P.S. I actually quite like rough sex but that back arching thing is a huge pet peeve. Men don’t arch their backs to look pretty during sex. That shit is painful.

21. A lot of women like to be treated like that, so probably he has been conditioned to do things like that, but that’s no excuse.
    You need a real serious, sit down at the table talk. If you felt used, bad or even feel like being assaulted when he does it like that, you need to voice yourself loudly and clearly. If he can’t respect your boundaries (healthy boundaries here), then let him go. Never scar yourself sexually like that just because you’re in love, those scars follows you very long in life dear.

22. It’s simple and yes, unfortunately relies upon you to simply draw a line in the sand and hold to it.

    Making the assumption that you don’t consider this assault at this point:

    Tell him once more out of the moment to stop doing this. Period. Don’t waver.

    If for any reason he does it again, stop having sex with him.

    If you still want a relationship with him, it’s now ultimatum time. But you’re already back tracking so he will either accept the conditions or you guys can move on.

23. Coming from someone who loves this and would love more of it, no, you’re not being dramatic. It can be extremely hot, but only if th person being “adjusted” is into it. You’re not into it, so it’s not hot and it’s not okay.

    It does give the feeling of being a little bit used, and it’s perfectly understandable that someone might not like feeling that way. Feeling used is only sexy if it’s consensual and the person receiving the treatment actively wants to be treated that way.

    If you’ve spoken to him about it repeatedly and he’s not respecting your wishes, then you should end the relationship. To put it bluntly, he’s actively dismissing the fact that you said no and vocalized a lack of consent to it. There’s absolutely no excuse for him to continue doing it.

24. Wow I love love looove when a guy does this. But if you don’t like it, tell him, and he should stop.