I’ve been on hormonal birth control for 15 years. I’ve been on almost everything – the implant, the ring, the shot, the pill, the patch. Everything gives me bad moon swings, severe cramps, or heavy bleeding. Bleeding was the most concerning and why I’ve dropped every birth control option. Unfortunately almost everything eventually made me bleed heavily to where I became anemic. I saw multiple OB/GYNs and I was tested for many different things. There is nothing wrong with me, it’s the birth control. As soon as I stopped birth control, within a month, everything was back to normal (except my iron levels). I am finally back to having a monthly period instead of a period 300+ days out of the year.
At the same time, my health insurance will not cover getting my tubes tied… But vasectomies are covered. Husband refuses to get a vasectomy. Neither of us wants kids. I’m fine with condoms, I genuinely can’t tell the difference anyways. But he refuses to wear condoms, and now we have a dead bedroom. I don’t know why he doesn’t want to get a vasectomy. It is far cheaper and less invasive than a tubal ligation. Has anyone ever been in this situation?
15 comments
Your husband is being selfish and short sighted. Birth control also falls on his head, not just yours. Is he at least talking about “pulling out?”
You need to have this discussion with your husband and find out what his hangup is. If it required having it done every single year, I would book 5 years of appointments up front so I didn’t forget. It just isn’t a big deal.
He is being selfish and needs to step up and be a man and take responsibility if he wants to continue a sexual relationship with you.
How old are you? Does he want to retain the possibility of fathering children? (Since you have thought about getting your tubes tied, I assume you don’t.) Maybe he can have some sperm frozen, if it makes him feel better about the irreversible nature of the vasectomy.
Do you believe at this point that if he got snipped your dead bedroom would go away? There are most likely bigger issues than birth control in this relationship. He has a right to not get a vasectomy, you have a right to also not use birth control anymore.
There’s more to sex than PIV. Women in relationships with other women never have PIV and are generally more satisfied than monogamous couples. But the problem here honestly isn’t birth control, dead bedroom or sex. It’s definitely communication.
How much does having your tubs tied cost? Might be better to just suck it up and pay or ask your husband to pay.
He’s being pretty selfish and immature though. He should just wear the condom and stop pouting. You’ve taken care of birth control for 15 years.
We just had our 4th child and my wife pressured me into a vasectomy saying it’s easier and her body already went through a lot having kids. She did not want to take birth control pills. I told her there would be a chance develop chronic pain post operation and she brushed me off. The procedure was very painful for me and 6 weeks post op I developed painful complications that I am still dealing with 8 months later. I understand that the majority of men don’t have complications but I was the lucky small percentage of men who developed long term pain. It wrecked our sex lives and I am slowing working my way out of depression and meds (pain meds, nerve pain meds, antidepressants, physical therapist, metal health therapist). Please don’t pressure your spouse into a surgery he does not want. It can have long term consequences. Instead sit down and talk to him on why he chooses not to take this route and find a compromise. I have finally forgiven my wife but it took months of mental suffering. We are finally in a better place with my pain levels back down to a 0-2.
I don’t see any hope for this marriage. Get yourself a good divorce lawyer.
Are you sure he doesn’t want kids? Cause it kinda sounds like he might.
Don’t stay in a dead bedroom you don’t want. If sex is off the table and you want sex, time to find someone else.
Your bedroom is already dead.
Come off the birth control that is making you miserable.
Decide if this is the man you want to be committed to, when your health issues are less important than his convenience of having sex without protection. (That he’s not even utilizing)
A vasectomy is an invasive procedure. I don’t blame him! What if your idea about children changes?
Men don’t like to sterilize themselves and women don’t usually do it until after they have kids. I had really terrible experience with hormonal birth control and wont take it. I also get bad allergies from latex so my husband and I used the pullout out method for 5 years! Anytime we thought their might be a scare I used plan b which was extremely rare. It’s effective about 80% of the time. I don’t recommend this for younger couples but married couples I think its an option. We tried for a baby, had one and now still use the pull out method. Follow your cycles and find out when you ovulate and be more careful at that time.
If he wants to be a chaste boy then, then get him a cock cage and lock him in it. If he wants out then he knows what he has to do.
Sorry to hear that. I always had a plan to get a vasectomy after we finished having kids so my wife off all the junk and it was the best decision. Especially for a 15-20 mins procedure. Has he given any reason why he doesn’t want one?
Sterilization is not BC…
Forcing someone to get sterilized against their will is a crime against humanity…
Let it sink…