I approached my roommate asking them to clean the kitchen fully after cooking and keeping the dining room clear before they go to bed. They got defensive and bristled, saying that I have a stick up my ass and I’m acting like I’m perfect. We bickered and I walked away, apologizing for asking. They said let’s get some space and that they’ve been stressed.
In the morning I find all of my kitchen stuff moved around in a passive aggressive way. My cast iron pan I leave on the stove is on the bottom of a pile of pans, a cup I fill with water is in the sink along with empty jars that were with some filled jars, and some HelloFresh papers are set in the center of the countertop along with crumbs and a piece of dried carrot, as if to say I’m not perfect and get rid of all your shit. Shitty way to start the morning. I head to work without saying a word to RM.
A few hours later they send me a perfect AI generated apology. It details that they’d appreciate if I bring up concerns that “acknowledges their efforts to adjust to my needs, as well as the fact that we are both humans and make mistakes”. It continues, “You have only recently begun making these changes in your own life, yet the way I felt I was being spoken to last night suggested you have been perfect the entire time we’ve lived here. I want to work with you — I just ask that you appreciate the grace I’ve given you when you haven’t acted perfectly and impacted my situation, too.”
I reply with equal length, apologizing for coming to them in a way that conveyed that sense. I asked for them to tell me what I did that sent that message, and to give me a chance in that moment to correct that miscommunication when they feel like I’m being an asshole.
They reply back with, “I can appreciate that,” and the conversation’s over.
When I come home, they want to pretend like everything’s ok, but I can tell they’re eyeing me to gauge the air.
Not sure what I’m feeling, but I think it’s disappointment in how impersonal and uninvolved the whole thing has been and how they won’t nut up and talk irl after being so toxic and passive aggressive.
Am I crazy for feeling some type of way over this or are my expectations too high and is it not reasonable for me to expect some real life hug it out moment over this? I don’t want to talk to them now and it’s awkward. They’re a friend I don’t want to lose but this was so fucking disappointing to see in a friend I held in high esteem.
1 comment
You know it’s about your disappointment over misjudging their character and the friendship.
You will be ending both the roommate situation and friendship when you are able.