I know how bad the title sounds, but let me explain.
My husband and I are 20, and married for 2 years. Yeah, it’s as weird as it sounds.
We both grew up in extremely religious homes. We’ve been dating since freshman year of high school, but our parents insisted we got married when we were 18. My husband makes a lot of money for his age, plus he doesn’t work physically demanding, and he works from home a lot so when we were 18 both of our parents wanted us to have a baby. We did not.
My husband and I weren’t ready to be parents at 18 years old. We’ve been discussing distancing ourselves from our parents’ lifestyle for a while.
Now, at 20, (which is still young, I know) we are at the point where we financially, and more importantly, mentally, are ready to discuss a child, it’s important to both of us that we have a child on our terms, not our parents terms.
We love each other very much, but To be honest, If it were up to us, we would not be married right now, however what’s done is done, and I am very happy to be married to him, it’s just very young and it’s still kind of weird to both of us.
That being said, we are fortunate to be in a good financial space, and i would like to take advantage of the opportunity to be young parents and be able spend as much of our lives as I can with my children.
A few months ago we decided that we would like to move away from all of this. We love each other, but not where we come from. This is not how I want my children to be raised. It’s absurd.
My husband just came home from an interview in California. Today he was informed he has been chosen for the spot. We have just enough saved for a solid down payment for a house and we are going to go house shopping next week.
I know mine and his parents will be very very mad when we tell them but what are they gonna do? Stay mad for all I care, they’ve done enough.
We don’t want to be like our parents.we’ll still read the Bible every night, go to church, and follow God. What we WONT do is force our kids to get married, be homophobic, hate Jewish folks, and other things I don’t want to get into, because these are things our families both do.
We are breaking the cycle. In OUR family, we will love everyone. If our child comes out gay, that’s a-okay with us. Maybe we’ll make friends with Jewish folks, I’d love to get to know some. If one of our kids has special needs, that will not make us love him any less. maybe one day when our kids are all grown up, they will be atheist. And you know what? That’s fine with us! as long as they are good people and respect mine and their dads beliefs that’s all I really care about
I am BREAKING THE F-ING CYCLE.
I’m really excited to start this new life!
3 comments
You both have very toxic parents. Run away from them as far as you can because if you don’t they will ruin your life.
Getting away from both set of parents clearly is a good thing to do.
However, I’d use two forms of bc until you’ve settled in California and have adjusted to your new lives (usually 6 months+), talked about how you’ll raise a kid away from any support network, and figure out a plan B in case things don’t work out.
I would put off children for a few more years if I were you. There’s more to raising children than finances. Maturity being top of that list. Maturity doesn’t come from assets or having a good job. It can only be acquired through life experience.
Everyone goes through this when they are in their early twenties. We realise that our parents messed up and are sure that we have figured out how to do much better than them. It’s great that you’ve identified what your parents did wrong. But it’s going to take time for you to learn how to be a good parent. It isn’t as simple as just doing the opposite of what your parents did.
Take the time to understand who you really are as an individual and what you truly want out of life. Not just generic things like wanting to be happy or wanting to be a good Christian. Think about how you define happiness and what your actual understanding is of God and the universe.
Children can’t be undone. You have lived this accelerated version of adulthood because of pressure from your parents. Take the opportunity to slow things down and just sit with your thoughts and your being for a while. Spend time in nature. Spend time perfecting a craft or investing in a hobby. Just experience what it is like to be an independent person for a while. You won’t regret it. You can have children at any point in life. But you only have your youth and good health for a short while. Savour it.