The great and fearful Shyness

2 comments

1. Taking care of yourself helps being more confident

2. I think you’ll have to do some introspection to determine why you are shy, but generally for most people, it comes from a place of insecurity regarding other people’s perception of them.

   We are highly social animals, and so we tend to put a lot of stake into our standing within a group. This means that when presented with an opportunity to be the centre of attention, or when meeting new people, it can be scary, because it means others are evaluating us.

   Nobody likes to be rejected, and by participating in these situations, we open ourselves up to judgement, potentially negative, which people like to avoid.

   Ultimately, this is where people get ahead of themselves and overhype the worse outcomes…. at worst, asking someone out or trying to make new friends will be met with a “no”. It’s not a big deal, in fact rejection is a big part of life. One of the greatest life skills you can learn is to persevere despite rejection. It’s uncomfortable to be told no at the start, but the more you put yourself out there, the more you realize rejection isn’t so bad, and the easier it gets.

   I’m assuming this shyness has to do with friendships or romantic interests. One thing I’ve come to realize is that both these types of relationships are two way streets. It certainly feels bad to be rejected by someone who you enjoy, but at the end of the day, it takes both people making an effort for the relationship to work. It isn’t a comment on your value as a person if the other doesn’t want to do so.

   It just means you have to keep looking until you find people or someone that is willing to reciprocate.

   I should also add that fear and excitement are quite similar emotions, physiologically. With a bit of practice, you can mentally reframe your discomfort as excitement, which I have found helps to ease feelings of anxiety.