When there’s a group of new people I quickly become one of the centers and I am able to make people laugh, like and respect me. It’s like I’m suddenly very extrovert and outgoing when I’m surrounded by strangers. But as days go on those people somehow develop meaningful relationships while I end up being close with no one.
I started college this year and at first when people didn’t know each other I was very open and people liked me. But then I feel like people start to realize that I’m just an empty shell and that I’m actually uninteresting and pathetic. And now I barely go to classes because it’s so awkward to interact with the classmates I know. I have been with them for months but our relationship is just like in the beginning. So it feels like we should be pretty close by now but we aren’t so it’s very awkward. And they now have friends of their own and I’m like the pathetic piece of shit that couldn’t manage to become friends with any of those many people that I became acquaintanced to when college started.
Moreover I noticed that most of them have started avoiding me and some of them are even annoyed with me??? It’s like they are so disappointed in my lack of skills to deepen relationships that they are now mad at me. Like “I tried to be friends with you but you are so dense what’s wrong with you”. Man this feels bad
2 comments
Comparing yourself with Malcom X was not exactly a good choice to begin with. Is this ironic?
Also you say you’ve been not going to your classes, how are you gonna get to know people if you are not there? It’s you avoiding people (you said they are the reason you skip your classes)instead of they avoiding you.
Maybe you should try to get to know people on a deeper level. Ask about their weekend, tell them things about yourself that you experienced or like (nothing too dramatic in the beginning). Remember things they told you earlier and bring them up again later.