I’m going to have my first time soon and the person is generally kind/understanding. He’s always careful with making sure I’m comfortable in conversation. I usually pretty bad at expressing how I’m feeling, it’s hard for people to tell how I’m feeling.
My concern is that during intercourse I’ll get uncomfortable or be in pain and won’t be able to tell him. I want to be able to alert him if that happens. I know there are things like safe words. But I also don’t want him to worry before we start. How can I tell him how I’m feeling & what are some other ways of communicating during sex?
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Safeword. No it won’t make him uncomfortable. Why would he be uncomfortable knowing he has an easy way to know if something isn’t the way you want it to be?
Just tell him it’s your first time together and you’ll probably not need it, but you’d rather have it and not need it than the other way round.
This may not help at all but I’m very socially anxious and my first time hurt like hell. My bf at the time wasn’t the most understanding person ever but when I grabbed his arm and said “wait, it hurts.” He took a moment to let me be until I said I was okay. So just communicating helped me.
Other ways to communicate though could be saying “just in case I get uncomfortable, if I tap you three times then I want you to stop/go slower” or something else to that degree. If your partner is truly understanding and kind then they will do their best to make you comfortable but you need to also tell them how to make you comfortable.
If you are prepared enough emotionally to have sex, you also need to be prepared enough emotionally to say when something is not feeling good.
Safe words…
Red, stop immediately! Yellow, prepare to stop check in. Green everything feels good, keep going.
You sound like you are an anxious person, ask your partner, to ask you what color you are.
If you don’t feel like you can just plainly say, “ow, that’s too hard” or “not there” or similar, then you aren’t ready to have sex with this person.
If you’re worried about it, tell them all these things in a conversation. A normal conversation, not when you’re making out or when you’re undressing, just talk the same as you’d talk about your plans for the weekend or where you want to get dinner.
Say the words out loud with your mouth. “That hurts.” “I’m uncomfortable.”
Here are the safe words I like. Green light, yellow light, red light. Simple and descriptive and Everone get it.
Use your words. People can’t read minds.
What you need more than anything else is communication and trust. If you can’t talk openly and honestly with him, you probably aren’t ready.
You can use physical safewords which are useful when mouths are full or in a emergency where you can’t talk
Physical safeword is agreed upon before sex and can be assigned to a certain part of body and certain type of stimulation so you both agree that yes we need to stop at this point
An example of this could be tap on hand 1, 2, 3 stop, 1, 2, 3 stop, 1, 2, 3 stop. It could be more or less physical like trying to wake someone from sleep