Already being stunted socially growing up, I decided to move to the big city in another state after high school. I don’t know anybody here so ofc I have to develop new connections. From my experience here so far though, people are really difficult to deal with. People switch up fast between smiling in my face one day and then another day acting like it’s such a pain to talk to me, not following up with plans, taking a week to respond to a text, or just flat out ghosting me.
It’s kind of driving me crazy because I’m trying to get out my comfort zone and do better but then these experiences just push me back in. It’s causing my patience to dwindle and to just not want to deal with folks. Every time something happens now, I spiral into overthinking and sometimes end up losing my chill which just pushes people away more. I don’t know what to do at this point
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You may want to see that as a reality, that’s how it is, that’s how the people around you are. If you want to have the rewards of socializing, you may want to consistently put on the effort without giving up and it’s rewards will come in. Just like exercising, just like building a business where one may find many struggles, the one who is consistent on putting the effort will reap the rewards.
Patience young grasshopper. These are part of the experiences you shall go through…in your path to human connections. Keep strong, the force is with you.
No it isn’t “the people” you’re dealing with. It’s the vibe you’re giving off. If you have this feeling (in your heart) of any of the following: uncertainty, lack of confidence, standoffish, not sure what you have to offer, expecting a bad reaction, waiting to see how they’ll react to you, sadness — ANY of that in your heart is going to leak through in your body language. If not on first meeting then certainly very shortly after that.
Here is the vibe you should want to give off, I call these traits ECHO: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor and Optimism. You don’t need all four to be successful (and most people don’t), but if you can develop two of them that’ll be a big step forward.
Good luck!
Can you try to find a roommate, especially one there’s reason to think you’d be compatible with?
In addition to that, I recommend (as I usually do) interest-based communities. You can get an idea of what groups are out there from [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) but that’s not the only way to find them. However you really do have to stick with a group for awhile in order to make real connections, and attend a lot.
Thanks for the advice y’all