My girlfriend (26F) and I (31M) will probably break up soon, though I really don’t want to. My life during our relationship has revolved around her so much that I don’t really have any of my own friends. We share a house with one other couple and she wants us to continue living together if we do split up, I’ve said that I wont be able to do that.
How do I go about restarting from scratch, I feel like I will need to move to another city (closer to my work) and leave everything behind. I have had a few fresh starts before in my life (not out of choice) but this time will be so much harder. I honestly thought we’d grow old together but now I can see that will never happen and it hurts so much
**TL;DR;** : Possible breakup after 8 years, I feel like my world is exploding
11 comments
Sorry you are going through this but it’s one of those things you’ll look back on from in the future and be glad you did it.
First break ups are never easy so be kind to yourself. You will go through a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. Allow them. Process them in healthy ways.
You are way right when you say you should move out. Moving to another city is also a great idea. It will allow you to start again properly.
Take everything day by day. Dont rush the process
Currently in the same situation. I have no answers for you, as I’m still trying to figure things out. For the longest time my goal was to make it work, so all my decisions were based on that. Now I barely know what I wanna do with my career or life. But it will get better. It has to, right?
If it’s a definitive break up don’t stay in the same house. I can’t see a way how that’s not gonna torn your heart.
What’s “working” for me is going one day at a time. No need to find your life goal right ahead. Maybe just go grab a beer with someone after work. Plan a quick weekend trip to keep your head off things for a while..
It’s not a perfect solution and I’m pretty messed up myself, but I’m still here so..
Much love, OP, keep your head up and go one step at a time. Focus on the day, your next step, not the following 10.000.
[deleted]
I don’t have any experience with this, however it did remind me of the movie Someone Great.
A couple was together for 9 years and broke up because they were headed different directions. I know it’s kind of a chick flick, but your situation seems a bit similar?
About the same as you i spent most of my 20s with same person and she left me. It was real tough. Now Im 41 and find it hard to believe that it bothered me so much back then. It will take time to get over it but you will be better in the end
Don’t do anything hasty. Yes, SPACE perhaps as in BREAK but no BREAK UP. Hold off. Don’t be too hasty. Not a good idea regardless to stay there while doing a BREAK nor a BREAK UP. Move to a room some place and see how it goes. More than likely with a lot of His and Her History you both Share——Texts and Calling is still in the pix. How can one let 8 years just disappear, dear? Good Luck.
If u can afford moving move. Move to a young hip area with plenty of young adults to date.
It happened to me, I was with my wife for 17 years, I came home from working away to be told, I’m breaking up with you, I’m gay, so I was like wtf. I drank alot, and filled around with a few girls, things didn’t change for me until I realized how bad the relationship actually was, I settled on being happy alone, then things just happened, I met a girl and hit it off, she’s fantastic. It’ll get better, I once read it takes a month for every year you were together to get over her, that timeline for for me but we’re all different! Focus on YOU
What is the reason you think you’ll break up for? If you leave the house, is she financially stable enough to manage on her own?
It may seem hard at first but it will be a new blissful beginning where you find yourself happier than you’ve ever been before. It will be hard to see now that things are fresh but man will it be the best thing you’ve ever done. Take the lead stop wasting time get out of that house asap and fly! Not only will you be free but I can assure you that you will find a keeper!
I’m 3 years out from this choice (December 2019), and it’s been the most helpful journey for me. It’s painful now, and will be for a while as you adjust to living alone and doing your own thing. You’ll get to re-discover your own passions, hobbies, and interests. I stayed single for a year and a half on purpose since we were together for 5 years.
She insisted on living together after, staying friends, and more. We stayed friends for 2 years but I cut it off because it didn’t feel right to me. We got back together temporarily (a month after I broke up with her) but broke up again. Trust your gut and follow that, it sounds like you’re already making choices to move forward and know what you want.