I should have prefaced this by saying it is indeed a significant other

44 comments

  2. “I’ve noticed you’ve been letting your armpit hair grow.” See how she reacts.

    If she’s not defensive about it, say politely, “Do you mind keeping it shaved? That’s my preference.”

    If she says no, or if she is hostile when you bring the topic up, then there’s not much you can do. You have to decide if you can live with it or not.

    And fuck any commenters who come in here and try and make you feel like shit for expressing what turns you on to your sexual partner.

  4. sit down, have a conversation, but don’t be demanding or come off as entitled. Also, be receptive if she brings up something you have or do that she does not like.

    ​

    Also, others have asked, are you in a relationship with her? Or is this just someone you know. Relationship, conversation, otherwise, mind your business

  5. I would phrase it in a way that lets her know you find it attractive when it’s smooth/shaved, rather than saying you don’t like her armpit hair. Focus on the positive imo

  7. If it’s your significant other than have a regular adult conversation about it and they can listen and share and you can come to an understanding. Or you don’t and it’s her body and you can decide if that’s going to be an ongoing problem for you and go from there.

    You might ask them why they’ve been growing it out, if it’s permanent or temporary, etc. And you can express how you don’t find it appealing.

    If it’s not a significant other than you don’t tell them anything.

  9. Two scenarios:

    1. If this is a girl you are dating – I would just tell her that I find it unattractive. It’s up to her whether she cares about what I find attractive enough to change it.
    2. If this is literally any other girl on the planet – there is no reason to tell her this. You have no relationship with her armpit. Just go on not liking it by your lonesome.

  10. I’d just be direct with my partner. Ask her if it’s permanent. I’m sure she already knows my preferences but I’d reiterate them.

    It’s tough because our relationship is perfect. Ultimately if she wanted to keep it that way then it stays that way. It would impact my attractiveness of her but I still love her. Just wouldn’t be as excited for sexy times.

  11. Should be able to talk to each other about anything IF she’s your friend or significant other

  12. Just like any other concern, have a discussion about it, tell her you’re not a fan. She’ll either change it or not and then you’ll have a choice to make yourself based on the outcome.

  14. id tell her one time i was tripping and saw a girl with hairy armpits at a festival and the hair was moving like snakes and i threw up instantly so now whenever i see hairy armpits i get slightly scared and almost vomit

  15. It’s her body man. If you hate it she might not be for you. But remember, it isn’t her job to be attractive for you, but rather, whatever makes her feel good.

  16. Girl here. I actually didn’t realize my own was growing out. I was struggling with severe depression and desperately started climbing out of that hole. My boyfriend waited until I had a better mindset to relieve his question of “Have you been growing it out purposely? It’s your body either way, I just have the preference of them shaved.” And I responded with a laugh and a little subtle embarrassment that I hadn’t even noticed. Shaved that day. Definitely start by asking her questions about it calmly. If she is purposely doing it or not the response should be as calm as your respectful question. If it isn’t, well then you did what you could and it’s your choice if it’s something you can live with. And don’t feel guilty for having that preference. Plenty of women have deal breaking preferences. One of mine is the porn stache or face tattoos. I just can’t get passed it. And I’m not a bad person for that. Don’t let anyone make that a double standard for you. 😊 hope I helped!

  19. Why is armpit hair so bothersome for a lot of men? I personally don’t even notice that stuff but do shave cause that’s the norm and I guess I’ll just conform since it’s easier

    Addition: I’m honestly just exhausted being a woman and having to maintain all these things to be good enough and sexy to men. I’ve never felt good about myself even if I do it, so what’s the point?

  20. If I was dating her, and I wasn’t into it, I’d just say something. “I’m not a fan of the pit hair” or some shit. Although tbh I don’t think I’d even look twice at their armpits, I wouldn’t personally care.

    She has every right to grow out her pit hair. You have every right to leave if it’s a deal breaker for you. Just communicate that to her.

  21. All you can really say is your preference. If she likes it that’s on her, she has every right to grow it. But we are allowed our personal preference, but that never over rides a person’s rights to their body.
    Try, “Hey, that’s cool, I’m not into it, but I support your right to do it.”

  22. Definitely bring it up. One of two things will happen:

    You’ll both come to an understanding and compromise, with one (but hopefully both) sides making concessions.

    OR this is a a dealbreaker to one (or both) of you. If you can’t be attracted to her with body hair she definitely has the right to know, but fwiw if I had a partner who urgently needed to tell me this I wouldn’t want to be with them either lmao, regardless of if I was actually willing to shave or not.

  23. As long as you’re willing to shave any hair on your body that she doesn’t like, feel free to make a request. She is free to decline.

  24. I swear some of these responses.

    “Why didn’t you talk to me about this before breaking up with me?”

    “Reddit said it wasn’t my business and I’m not allowed to talk to you about it”

  25. I’m a woman and just kind of stopped shaving for a bit (a little lazy, a little depressed, a little it’s just winter time and I don’t really care) and it got semi long. My boyfriend made it known that he wasn’t attracted to it which is fine, everyone can have their preferences. But he said that it is “disgusting” and “unnatural”. I told him it’s not unnatural since it’s obviously happening and how is my 1/4” long hair more disgusting than his clumpy, over 1” long hair that has deodorant chunks in it? He stood his ground and I still refuse to shave my armpits bc I’m petty until he just says that it’s not his preference and doesn’t use such aggressive language. So maybe don’t do it that way…

  26. Speaking from a woman’s perspective here, it really depends on the circumstance:

    If they’re your partner, mention, “I noticed XYZ.” Go from there, understanding that it’s okay to state preferences, but know that it’s ultimately not your body. My husband knows I love his beard, but if he decides to shave it that’s totally fine because it’s his body.

    If they’re not your partner: Don’t. It’s none of your business.

  27. I used to have hairy pits. The guys I was with didn’t mind it and were even attracted to my confidence in having it. But, when we got together, it was already there. If you got with this person, and she later decided to grow her pit hair out, and you find this unattractive, I think it’s ok to let her know. If it were me, I would want to know. I think a kind way to begin the dialogue is by asking her why she decided to do this. And, is it something you can hork past, or is it a dealbreaker for you?

  28. The question is why don’t you like it or why does it make you so uncomfortable (if it does)? Maybe you gotta address that first. Do you feel it is weird to see armpit hair on a woman? Do you feel it makes them less feminine? The reason could by anything I just listed down few. You can just let her know if you choose to but in the end it’s her body and how she really chooses to be.

  32. This should be posted on AskWomen, not AskMen.

    A lot of people are recommending to say it directly like “I don’t like your armpit hair”, with some also saying that it’s up to the girl to decide if she’s going to care. But I can tell you right now, it’s not much of a choice – one remark like that can make a girl really self-conscious, and telling her straight out with no preparation that you find something about her repulsive WILL make her feel bad. Those remarks chip away at self-esteem and trust so easily, and can really damage how secure the girl feels in a relationship.

    I know that guys prefer things to be said directly, and maybe some guys don’t mind as much about changing things for their partners. But that’s not the case for everyone, especially not for women. So if you do bring it up, PLEASE don’t just blurt out “I don’t like your armpit hair”. As some people suggested, ask her calmly and non-judgmentally if she changed her preference about her body hair, and let her know KINDLY that you are just not used to it yet. But be ready for her not changing it for you. And while you’re still figuring it out, don’t make her feel bad or repulsive.

  33. I started growing mine out after I got a bad abscess in my arm pit as a result of shaving.

    I’m 34 years old. I’ve been shaving ever since I hit puberty. Once I reached my thirties, I started getting ingrown hairs that would turn into painful cysts. I would use a fresh raser and it didn’t matter. I still kept getting them.

    Shaving just isn’t worth the pain and risk to my health.

    My husband doesn’t care if I do or not. I could be covered from head to toe like a God damned werewolf and that wouldn’t change his attraction to me.

    My heath and comfort means more to him.

    We are married. We are going to go old together. Our bodies are inevitably going to change. We all get old. Wrinkly and ugly someday. In the grand scheme of things, health is important. That’s how my husband sees it and so do I.

    Having preference is okay and we can’t help what we like.

    My advice is this:

    It’s their body and they have the final say on what they do with their body hair. However, perhaps you could reach a compromise. Ask her to at least trim? I’d say that’s a pretty good middle ground.

    Also, you could try to focus on what you do like about your partner. Think about the physical traits you do like. Remember and admire the traits that aren’t tied to her physical appearance.

    Because once you get old and after looks have faded, those other awesome traits and the memories that you’ve made is what you will have left.

  34. “Hey, I gotta be honest, I don’t really like this”
    I mean, how fucking hard is it dude – how siginficant is your “other” if you can’t have this simple conversation.
    Relationships are built on communication.
    COMMUNICATE.

  35. She doesn’t have to shave her armpits just because you don’t like it. So be prepared for that 🤷🏽‍♀️

  36. My wife to me: When are you going to shave? I don’t like facial hair.

    Me: I quite like it and I like how it makes me look. Going to keep it for a while and see how it goes.

    My wife: Okay, fair enough

    No hurt feelings, and we both understand it may be a topic for compromise in a future discussion – say if she wants to dye her hair green or decides the beard is a deal-breaker. I massively appreciate that she didn’t get cryptic or passive aggressive, she didn’t get someone else to tell me for her, she didn’t withhold affection or any other type of game. Just…”I don’t like it”.

  37. I would make a positive statement about something I wished to change.

    “I like it when you _____ ”

    And I would not open a discussion on armpit hair. If we were trading wishes and she asked me out of her curiosity, I might answer that.

    But hey, I lived in Northern Europe. Body hair is warmth. Many women did not shave under arms, on the legs or between them either. That is an American thing, unless things changed across the big pond recently.

    Edit for spelling

  39. Shave your armpits and don’t say anything. If asked, it’s for hygiene. You were noticing yours getting a bit off. Then you basically have to shave yours forever

  40. “I don’t like your armpit hair now that you started letting it grow out.”

    It’s amazing what direct and honest communication does.

  41. My partner (27M) doesn’t like my (21F) armpit hair. He never hid his preference, but he is also never unrealistic about it. When I’m lazy, or it’s cold, I just won’t shave. He understands that and is fine with some stubble or even full grown. His preference is clean shaved, but the keyword is that it’s a preference. He understands that women grow body hair and can’t stay clean shaven 24/7.

  43. If she didn’t ask for an opinion, you don’t say anything. You get over how she wants to handle the hair on her body.

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