As a person with less than stellar social and self-presentation skills, I kind of feel trapped between a rock and a hard place.
On one hand, I can accept that this is the way I am, and engage with other people/build relationships with them. The issue with this, is that because of my social skills deficiencies, in conjunction with human being’s need to create social hierarchies, I know that in most social groups and in most social contexts, I will always be on the bottom of the totem pole. Because I struggle to act exactly like everyone else, I will be treated differently and patronized, even if that treatment is well-meaning and are coming from a place of love. People can’t help that they perceive me the way that they do, so I can’t blame them, yet at the same time it hurts to be with people when I know what my place among them will be.
On the other hand, I can ignore people and not interact with them. That is not malicious in any way shape or form, but other people don’t know that; they will either think I’m an asshole or that something is *seriously* wrong with me. It’s different to be weird and be social, because at least you are a known quantity and other people know for a fact you aren’t an asshole. When you’re weird and asocial you basically become Boo-Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird. This option saves me the emotional pain of being at the bottom of social hierarchies, the pain of dealing with constant social anxiety, the emotional drain of going through with socializing anyways, and it saves me the emotional pain of trying to socialize and being rejected and hated anyways.
I have a middle ground, but only because I have to to survive. I’m weird so other people do not desire actual friendship with me, but when I put myself out there in the world, some good people are at least willing to be job references, help me out in times of need, etc. If I have to be somewhat of a charity case to survive, well…it’s what I have to do.