This sucks to write out but I’m looking for some honest advice here. I was just in a 4ish month relationship with a 41M going through a lot of interpersonal issues, family struggles, and an injury to top it off. Our passion towards each other took the back seat because of it. I intentionally gave him space in that department because he was always super overwhelmed. After weeks of nothing, I brought it up. The chat was a bit awkward but ended in a “I’ll do better” type of conversation on both sides. The next time we saw each other, it was brought up again and he decided to pull the plug and not try and re-ignite the spark. He’s a great guy and I guess I let myself and my needs take the back seat when I knew there was something missing. All this to say is that I keep finding myself in relationships where either the personality connection is there and the romance is not OR the romance is there and the personality connection is not. Im struggling if I’m doing something wrong, where Im not communicating well enough in the personality connections to make sure romance is alive or if there’s just actually no romance there. Is there ever a balance of both? Is it always a compromise? Im driving myself nuts trying to find an answer.
3 comments
32m here I’m in a similar boat rarely find anyone attractive so I give a lot of people a hard nope in terms of passion. You should however not let your needs be put aside just tell them and if they can’t comply move ahead to the next unless a compromise could be made
People who have personal issues and use that to not see you, I am always suspicious of this. If there was a connection, he could use you for support instead of distancing himself.
You need to find the right guy.
Now I’m not sure from your explanation how high or low you set all the different bars. But people these days seem to try and find in a partner what used to take a village.