I (22M) never had a girlfriend, I am a good talker, I have a pretty good looking face and go 5 times a week to the gym have my hobies and all, but something is lacking, every girl I was interested in ended up rejecting me eather because I was friendzoned or she ain’t interrested in me, I think it’s because I always end up messing things.
So any advice?
Ps: pls don’t talk about investing in myself i’ve already done all that ( money, gym, education…) and still doing it,
4 comments
I’m the same as you, same age. Girls like guys that are extremely confident and really impress them with aggressive social skills. I’ve seen it work so many times I don’t even understand. Personally I don’t like putting on a show and changing my personality for others so I will be single until I change my personality or find someone who’s more calm.
There is really no good advice that can be given without a deeper understanding of you and your situation.
I would say just keep at it. It is not uncommon for guys to struggle with this.
Just keep trying bro. You say your actively investing in yourself, so you will soon see the fruit of your labor.
>I am a good talker
Perhaps too good? Or too talk-y? We can’t really tell you what you’re doing “wrong” unless we can be there to subtly observe from afar.
Do you have any trusted friends who are good at people skills? Someone who can do a little pro bono life-coaching by way of being that subtle observer of your interactions with women?
Chances are, its something fairly minor that just needs a bit of tweaking.
A lot of young men heavily misinterpret the whole “work on yourself” thing. It does not always and automatically mean “IMPROVE” yourself. It means to get your life to where ***YOU*** are loving your own life and activities. It could, for some guys, even mean learning how to add some laziness to your life.
A happy, RELAXED, engaged, busy, fulfilled person attracts similar people.
I’m gonna make a WAG that, where you said “I always end up messing things up…” you are going too hard, too much-too soon and trying to artificially move the ball down the field. Instead of being more discriminating in your choice, you’re just trying to make whoever says “yes” to a date fit the position of girlfriend.
You are (again, total WAG here, because I can’t see you in action and am just going off what you say) you are trying to make dates be sort of a “plug and play/check list” kinda thing.
That is,
* Pretty girl/decent looking guy? Check
* Interests align or are similar? Check
* She said yes to the date? Check
* Take her to a nice place? Check
* Ask all the usual questions/talk about myself in the usual way? Check Check
* Huh? Why didn’t she bite? I did all the things? I don’t get it?
It doesn’t sound as if you’ve allowed any natural/organic meetings of women to take place. Now, a lot of young men tend to interpret “natural” as meaning “don’t do anything at all, let women approach you ONLY.”
That’s not what it means. It means to RELAX about it, and not try to move things forward instantly and with just any old pretty girl that happens to say “yes.”
It includes things like: meeting women with ZERO expectations, just doing some small chit chat, without that hungry lion hunting a gazelle thing clanging around in your head.
Let some random social meetings be just that. Random, not going anywhere, just a few sentences, then boom! done.
Like, you’re at a coffee shop, for example, you’re in line and a likely lass is standing in line ahead of you. Try making a plain old “chit-chat” type comment with NO expectations of getting with the girl. A relaxed, “I’m only doing this because I’m a social person” kind of thing.
And again, learn to ***RELAX***. It’s almost certain that your need to just fill the open position of girlfriend is, unbeknownst to you, being broadcast loud and clear to any girl in a 5 mile radius.