Is this a red flag in a new relationship?
I’ve (f25) been dating a new guy (m26) for about 4 months now. Things have been good so far. Other then l’ve noticed he makes sexual comments about his past sex life and it makes me uncomfortable?
Here are some examples
-has told me I’m the best sex he’s ever had
-other girls just “lay there” but l’m different
-he was the “pull out king” before he met me (cringe I know lol)
-he’s never had any other girl do this certain sex position we do
While these are all compliments I guess it just feels weird to be compared to other girls he’s been with.
I’m pretty sure he was promiscuous before we got in a relationship which is fine but it makes me feel weird if he’s just sitting there and comparing me to other women.
I have never brought up anything to do with exes or past sex I’ve had. He has brought up his exes in passing stories and told me one of them was abusive. Maybe it’s normal to talk about past relationships but I just never do to new partners. Is this a red flag or just something I should get over?
TLDR; new relationship and he compliments me sexually while also bringing his old partners into it.
Red flag or no?
16 comments
This is not good behavior, but it can happen for a variety of reasons. The thing to do to see if it is a red flag or just poor social skills is to tell him you would prefer he not compare you to his past experiences, even if the comparison is positive. If he has something positive to say about you he can word it as, “I really like how you…” or similar.
If he changes his behavior to make you more comfortable, that will be a green flag.. If he gets upset with you for having an issue with this and doesn’t care about your preferences, then that will be a red flag.
Girl, he could’ve kept all that to himself. At that point he sounds like he’s in it for the sex and the fact that he compares sound like he’ll never be satisfied about anything.
But that’s how they sounds to me. I couldnt. I wouldnt. It is a redflag to me.
yellow flag . he might think he’ s complimenting you in a weird ass (yellow flag) way. if you tell him iit makes you uncomfortable and he continues: it’s a wrap.
He is most definitely not a gentleman.
You SHOULD start bringing up your exes and your sex life from before and see his reaction. If he doesn’t like it and says so, then you can tell him you feel the same when he does it to you.
Would you be happy if he talked this way about you to his next partner?
I think you’re looking way too deep into this. Everyone needs to stop judging. Girls tell their friends about who they slept with and guys do too. This is a sexualized world, you’re even here talking about it now. I don’t think we should judge him from that at all. We barely know him.
Pull out king is something all guys say. Everyone wants to know how the sex was so this is normal. It’s called pillow talk and everyone does it. Kinda weird watching everyone judge this man
I hate when women do that – bring up their exes. I dont ask for this information and want to know it. My now ex girlfriend did that, and she knew it was annoying me, yet she still did it. Last straw was last week when we got into a small fight, and she yet again mentioned her ex, and i believe she did that to get at me. So i broke it off yesterday. I’m crushed but deep down i know i would not have been happy.
Anyways, to me he sounds like he’s comparing. I would tell him to stop saying these things. If it stops, great. If it doesn’t – you’ll have to decide how much of that you are willing to deal with, or you can do what i did and break up.
Sounds like he’s comparing you to a current female he is sleeping with.
Red flag all the way down the line
If the only way he knows how to compliment you sexually is by comparing you to past experiences/putting down others then yuck.
It just seems unnecessary and weird to me. Like he could just say “I like how active and responsive we are with each other during sex, it’s nice seeing how much you enjoy what we’re doing” instead of “I like how active and responsive you are during sex, it’s way better than the other girls I’ve had sex with. They just lay there”.
Sounds like a really cool guy, probs marry him. Then you can hear about all his exes in perpetuity.
Also if you dont marry him, I’m sure the next lucky girl will enjoy hearing the ways she is different from you in bed!
If it makes you uncomfortable you should tell him that.
I don’t think it’s a red flag talking about ex’s, as it’s our story of life.
If you don’t like talking about your ex’s that’s ok, if you don’t want to hear about his ex’s that’s ok too, and you should communicate that.
IDK that it’s a “red flag”, but it’s fair to be uncomfortable. Honestly, talking about your past sex life and experiences CAN be healthy for partners and probably should be done more – but leaning heavily into comparisons can feel weird and uncomfortable. I think there’s also like, less weird ways to talk about it while still referencing past relationships (ie: “I’ve always wanted to try X thing, but haven’t ever been with someone comfortable with it, I’m glad we’re exploring this!”). It feels like he wants to flatter you and talk about his past experiences but feels like he needs to put down previous partners in order to not make you insecure, potentially??
Have you told him this makes you uncomfortable?
Regarding OP’s boyfriend referring to himself as the “pull out king”, I would recommend OP and their new boyfriend get tested for any STDs
I bet he’s the kind that keep their ex’s nudes.