I’m sorry if this is all over the place, it’s my first time doing this, also excuse my grammar english is not my first language.
I met my boyfriend online and we started a long distance relationship after knowing eachother for 8 months, our relationship has been a rollercoaster. He’s my first relationship and first everything a couple goes through, so I don’t have much knowledge on how some things work. After dating approximately for 2 years he wants me to go visit him and go live with him for a couple months so we can see how it would be living together. I’m not from the U.S, and me going there is restricted since I need to get a visa, he’s been pushing me to get everything done so I can go as soon as possible. I’m scared, I’ve never been out of my country alone, or living with someone other than my parents. I haven’t mentioned that we haven’t even met irl yet, so that would be our first time. A lot of my friends have been trying to convince me to leave him saying he could be a murderer and that I still don’t know his true intentions.
Should I tell him we’re going too fast? Am I being dramatic? I’m lost, if anyone has ever been through something like this please tell me what I should do. Any advice would be amazing, thank you for reading!
24 comments
Moving to the US is challenging under an ideal situation. But moving here without knowing anyone and not having a way to support yourself sounds sketchy to me. I would avoid this.
Ew he met you at 15 when he was 23 and started dating you at 16 when he was 24? What could a grown man possibly have in common with a high schooler? Your boyfriend is a creep and a pedophile. Imagine you met an 11 year old and started dating them when they turned 12. That’s what your boyfriend did.
ETA: I finished reading the rest of the post and wtf. Please do not be stupid. You’ve never met in real life but want to leave everything behind for him? This is how you end up being trafficked. Do your parents know about this man and his plan?
Honey, “No” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t need any follow up or explanation.
From what you’ve said, you’ve been dating him since you were 16 and he was 24. That’s a huge age gap. He was adult but (please don’t take this wrong) 16 isn’t. You’re too young and have too many options in your life to be tied down right yet.
Now comes the important part.
#DO NOT EVER GO SOMEWHERE WITH ANYONE IF YOU HAVE NO SUPPORT, BACKUP PLAN OR EXIT STRATEGY.
If you do go with him, you will be alone and quite frankly, you cannot know him well enough to trust him that much. IF he was willing to come to your country and live together for a few months (more than a couple) so you have your family to protect you if needed, that may be acceptable – maybe. As it is, you may be walking into a perfect life but you may be walking into a trap. Considering he’s pushing so hard and the relationship has already been a rollercoaster, he’ll probably be more pushy and domineering in person. You don’t need that. If something did happen to you, how would anyone know? If they did suspect something, how and where would they even start looking? If he’s not willing to wait until you’re clearly ready, he’s not the one for you. We both know that if you were ready, you wouldn’t be asking for advice.
Ultimatums are extreme but in this situation, it seems reasonable. Just tell him that you’re not ready to move to a place where you’d basically be alone. Either he accepts that and drops the pressure, or you ghost him. Just block him on all communication methods and sm. It will suck at first but you will come to realize how much of a jerk he’s being.
Good luck!
Please !UpdateMe about how you’re doing.
OP, do try to be realistic here. You were 16 when this grown adult targeted you online and there’s absolutely no way it’s safe for you to travel to see him on your own. But at 18 unless you’re a wunderkind with a great job/real estate in your own name it’s not like you’re going to qualify for a US tourist visa anyway. It’s called having “sufficient ties” to your home country. In all likelihood the USCIS would see you as an overstay risk and deny you the visa (especially if you tell them you’re traveling to see a “boyfriend”). This guy has no intention of marrying you and is trying to lure you to his house for different reasons entirely. The good news is that you can just tell him you could get the visa.
Do not marry this man under any circumstances whatsoever in fact I’m sending this post to the authorities
Girl… RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN
You are being groomed. A man his age dating you at the age you were at is disgusting.
Trust me, there is a big red flag reason a man his age is picking up teenagers on the internet and not dating women his own age.
Do not go to the US for him. Do not put yourself in a position where he’s the only support you have.
You. Say. No.
That’s what you do. He can feel any way he wants to feel about it. Your answer needs to be no. You are in no way ready to travel alone, leave your support system, or marry, and you are well aware of all that. It’s not your job to manage his emotions for him. It’s your job to protect yourself.
He pursued you when you were just 16. He’s relying on your inexperience and insecurity to help him manipulate you. Good for you reaching out for help.
You feel like you know him because you’ve been talking two years, but in reality you only know what he’s presented to you. You are still strangers to each other. And he is throwing red flags like it’s his job.
If you do what he’s demanding, you will be in a foreign country, isolated from your entire support system, with very limited access to help should he turn out to be the scuzzbag I assume he is. You will be helpless and at his mercy.
You will be placing yourself at risk for abuse, control, loss of family, loss of your own life, and becoming a trafficking victim.
Shut this down now. This is not love. This is not how healthy relationships are made. This is not what you should be doing with your first years of adulthood. He needs to be shut out of your life completely.
Break up. It’s easiest now since you’re long distance. *DO NOT* move to another country to be with this man. He’s grooming you and if you leave you’ll have no support system. Your friends are correct, *you don’t* know his intentions. In my opinion, they’re clearly bad because he knowingly manipulated a minor.
That aside, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with! You do not have to leave your home for *anybody.* A caring partner would *never* pressure you into something like this. Stick to your boundaries, stick to your home, stick to your friends and family.
Look up Ashley Wadsworth, a 19 year old Canadian girl who went to London to visit a 23 year old man she met online. He showed her a wonderful time, she met his friends, and saw the sights but when she wanted to go back home, he stabbed her to death. It is never, ever a good idea to travel to meet someone in person, even to another city in your own country. And just this week there was a story of an Italian teenager who traveled to Michigan to start a job as an au pair taking care of a little girl. There was no job, no little girl, only a man who kidnapped and raped her. So ghost him, block him from all devices and pretend you never had any contact at all. If he was actually a good guy and not a fiend, he would travel to you, meet your parents and treat you with respect. But don’t count on it. What he is doing is not how relationships work.
Please do not go see this guy. You would be putting yourself in an incredible amount of danger.
You met when you were 15? Right now, would you date a 15 year old, or would they seem too young to you? Someone in their 20s pursuing a teenager is seriously just… super not okay. And like–he could be even older than he says he is.
In all likelihood this guy isn’t even who he claims to be. Have you even seen him over videochat, or has it all been text/phone?
OP, if you do this, you’re either about to be trafficked, abused, or murdered, or some combination of the three. No sane adult would date a child and pressure them into marriage as soon as they legally could. Block this person and never talk to them again. The person you think you’re in love with does not exist. It’s all been a ruse and a lie.
Have you even met him in person? Break it off with him and block him everywhere. This guys is up to no good and likely an abuser. Because abusers will go after younger women and then try to push things along quickly. He went after you when you were 15. I dotn care what the age of consent is this is wrong. You’re scared of him. Listen to your feelings. Dorn feel bad about breaking it off. You live in a different country so not like he could come after you very easily.
Run and dotn look back. Then stay single for a good long while and work on yourself. Figure out who you are as an adult, what YOUR wants and needs and values are because I bet he’s pushed all his opinions on you and you don’t even know who you are really. I’ve been there.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
This has NO written all over it.
This sounds more like sex trafficking than love. You have to wonder why a grown man is courting children in foreign countries. Are you even sure he’s only 26?
It will be very easy for him to take your passport when you arrive and depending on where he lives, it might be impossible to get to an airport or even afford a ticket if you need to get home.
Do you know how to drive? Will you have access to a car? At your age you can’t rent one and who knows if there are taxis or public transportation where he lives. How far away will your country’s embassy be?
Do not do this!
Your friends are right. He could be a murderer or a 60 year old man. If he wants to meet in real life then he should come to you and meet you somewhere in public where your parents are nearby so you can be safe.
Do what?!? He might not be a murderer, but AT BEST he’s a groomer. Block him on everything. Change all your online accounts. If he has your phone number, change that too.
He’s a predator. I would cut ties with him if I were you. There is absolutely no reason for you to be going through this. There’s no job waiting for you, no baby involved, you haven’t even met him in real life- you have no reason at all to put yourself through this.
You were groomed. If you go move in with him, he will abuse you. It will escalate, and he could kill you. At best you’ll be trapped there. Do not go. Break up with this creep. He’s a predator.
This is extremely alarming and you should 100% cut ties and not go overseas
For the love of God, DO NOT GO! This is how people end up being trafficked. Seriously! They have PSAs about this on TV. This is a very real and very dangerous problem. Your friends are right. The only thing you know about him is that a grown ass man started a relationship with a 16 year old girl online. You know who does that? CRIMINALS!
break up with him.
dont try to continue anything
THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG.
break up with him OPPPPPPP
do not continue any relationship with him, and DEF don’t marry him. he’s also a fucking creep because EVERYWHERE in the US, his relationship with u while u were a minor WAS ILLEGAL.
he’s a creep. don’t do it.
Dear Lord, Baby Child.
You’re in Danger.
Never talk to this person again.
He’s not your boyfriend he’s just a stranger you have been talking to on line ( for two years) when you SHOULD have been actually dating.
You know nothing about his habits/moods/abilty to manage his own life.
Having a romantic interest in someone you met online is fine, but you are not DATING until you MEET irl.
A long distance relationship is when two people in a irl relationship chose to continue at a distance for some reason. Not two strangers living an on line fantasy.
He is too old for you.
Cut him off unless he is willing to visit you and meet your family and prove himself.
A decent man would never ask an 18 year old girl to deliver herself in to the hands of a stranger in a foreign country.