Lately me and my boyfriend have been arguing, but I think he started an argument to somewhat try to end the relationship. I did nothing wrong, but I feel like he does not know what to say. He has been under alot of stress lately and his telling me how he wants to change his life around and not make the same mistakes he made in the past ( regarding to people around him). He has been very distant, harsh and not really communicating with me like he use to any little thing I say or do he lash out on me. He told me if I want to stay that I should stay if I want to leave than I could leave his ok with what ever I want to do. This was hurtful I’m not sure how to digest that, so is he trying to end the relationship but making me do the dirty work?
TDLR: Why is he lashing out on everything I say and suddenly treating me horrible?
7 comments
He’s trying to make you miserable enough to end the relationship because he’s too much of a pu$$y to do it himself. Cut your losses and move on.
Yep – if he’s fine with you leaving, the relationship is over. Doesn’t matter who finished it. I’m older than him, and I urge you to please get away as fast as you can. Someone who is that passive aggressive is toxic.
Godspeed and good luck.
This is why you don’t date men old enough to be your father….
Your age gap is concerning. But even if you both were the same age, it’s very toxic.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
He is showing how little care, respect or patience he has for you. You better believe him.
When things are not tense and there isn’t any disagreements, ask him to talk. Tell him you’ve noticed inconsistencies which usually means someone is struggling or has mixed feelings about something. Tell him you love him and he can trust you. Then ask him if he would be willing to tell you what is really going on. Then sit and wait and be quiet and wait for him to answer. Try to keep emotions to a minimum. Talk with facts. Short and clear and then wait for him to share what is going on.
If you try this a couple of times in the discussion and he doesn’t open up and if you feel like things are heading toward a bad end in the relationship, then you have nothing to lose at that point… so you can then move to sharing how you feel, how his recent inconsistencies or indifference have affected you, how you question your future together because of recent events… and see if that makes a difference.
Your age difference is quite large. When you describe his behavior and recent words, it makes me curious to know if he has ever been married or in a long-term committed relationship or, if not, if he has told you why he hasn’t. It also makes me curious if you have been hinting at wanting more of a commitment or serious relationship (engagement moving in together, etc.) and if this is his go-to reaction when he is uncomfortable with commitment issues and feels like things are getting too serious.
Please ensure that you’re not enduring a bunch of his inconsistencies over a long period of time (this push and pull situation you’ve described) if he isn’t sure he wants you. Don’t let his doubts settle on your mind and be locked in as a reflection of your worth. If he isn’t interested, then give yourself time outside of this relationship to heal and go find someone who is a good communicator and who values what you have to offer.
He’s almost twice your age and his maturity level is even lower. He’s playing games and that’s not ok.
I know it’s hard, but it may be time to leave him and cut contact. Block him, ignore him. If he starts telling you he loves you, don’t leave, he needs you yada yada, dont give in. This isn’t healthy for either of you.
Sorry but you crying over a 40 year old man is pathetic. Unless he’s a millionaire then I understand. You’re not even 25 yet, dating an old man for attention all us damaged kids have done it but it’s not right.