So my friend J (both of us are in our in early twenties) that I’ve known since middle school went to a party one day and there he met with a girl, B, we went to highschool with. Some time after high school I asked this girl out on a date, and then I cancelled the date due to various factors. J and B started talking and eventually they agreed to go on a date.
I am not close to B in any manner, just the occasional reply to her story if she posts something like her dog because dogs are cute. I do not care at all that J is going on a date with B. I’m in a relationship with someone I love a lot.
However, lately J has constantly been repeating and saying: “Hey, I’m going on a date with someone you asked out before. Isn’t that so funny?” every chance he gets. If he brings her up, he’ll bring that up too without fail. It was maybe funny the first time he mentioned it, what a coincidence, but in the end I don’t care.
The final straw was when we went to dinner with some mutual friends and he brought it up again, directed towards our friends. He said “Hey guys, I’m going on a date with someone OP asked out before,” and the friends responded with “we know, you’ve told us before.” I literally rolled my eyes and left the dinner, walking home. I did not order at all yet so I didn’t make them pay for my meal or anything like that.
So not only has he been constantly saying this towards me, but repeatedly to other people as well and shaping it in that manner. Later when I talked about this to him he said “I don’t understand what the issue is?”. Am I in the wrong to be annoyed at this?
Tl;Dr My friend is constantly saying to me and other people that he’s going on a date with someone and putting heavy emphasis on the fact that I asked out said girl in the past. This rubs me the wrong way.
6 comments
Nah he’s an asshole, tell him to leave you alone
You’re not wrong for being annoyed at this. You’re right. Once was fine, but repeatedly doing it is odd. Perhaps the next time he says it, you could say “Hey, isn’t it odd that you’re going on a date with someone that I asked out before, but you’re fixating on that instead of the actual girl?”.
You’re not wrong, but if he’s seeking attention or playing to one up you, then you’re sure as hell giving him the win.
Minimize your contact, but if you are going to see him again, do what you should have done from the get go, and laugh at his transparent little game. “Dude, is that the only thing you know about her?” And “Fun game: Name three other things you like about her besides that?” And don’t be mad. Don’t even bother to listen to his responses, laugh at him and change the subject.
Your other friends calling him on this shit is the best outcome, but you, you just need to genuinely laugh at him.
Leaving a dinner over it feels a bit dramatic, but I can see why it’s annoying. I suspect he maybe feels insecure about the idea and this is a way of expressing it. Maybe it’s some sort of a brag or something too? Mostly I would just make him feel silly about it saying something like, “Wow you seem to really care that we almost went out. Is there anything else you like about her?”
Best reply to his statement: yeah it is funny you’re goin out with her. Lucky for me I dodged a bullet though, whew, good luck with her!
Never tell him why.
Sounds like your friend is envious of you and thinks this is an achievement because it didn’t work out when you asked her out. He’s being a bit of a jerk but it’s almost definitely rooted in his own insecurity and you’ll only encourage him further by letting him know it bothers you. If he’s otherwise a good friend it’s probably not worth blowing up the friendship over–either it will work out with her or it won’t and either way their story will stop being about how you asked her out first.