Posting on my throwaway account because it’s so personal.
I (28F) have always had a hyper sensitive gag reflex. It rarely stopped me from ever giving BJs, but I never could tolerate cum in my mouth. That’s not what this is about.
About a year ago, I noticed that suddenly whenever I’d have sex with my boyfriend (30M) of three years, just the sight and texture of his cum would make me gag. We do the pullout method, so naturally it gets all over me. I don’t know why this started; it’s never been a problem before, with him or anyone else. I just hoped that it was a temporary thing and that it would go back to normal before long.
Months later, it had only gotten worse instead of better. Still, I hesitated to tell him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings – no one wants to hear that their partner feels like gagging during sex – so whenever he would finish I would just close my eyes and will myself to not dry heave until he was done cleaning me up. It started becoming more and more challenging to keep my composure – plus it was miserable – so I decided it wasn’t sustainable and that I should tell him.
He reacted exactly as I feared he would – he got very emotional and upset. Asked how I would like it if he told me the same thing. I told him I understood his feelings and I wasn’t trying to be mean, and I don’t like this any more than he does. Eventually after he calmed down, he asked me what he could do to make it better. I asked him not to cum on me for a while until I tackle how to get better. He did for like the next 2 times we had sex, and then went back to finishing on me. I was still uncomfortable with this, but didn’t push the issue because of how badly he’d taken it the first time.
Anyway, it’s still an issue and I don’t know how to make it stop. It’s gotten to the point where I get anxious just from the thought of having sex now because I’m anticipating fighting off gagging and sick feelings at the end. My sex drive has decreased a lot. I can’t give BJs at all anymore because the anxiety makes my gag extra sensitive.
Please help. Can I desensitize myself to cum so it doesn’t bother me anymore? How would I do that? And is there any way I can talk to him about this without hurting his feelings again?
Also, I’m definitely not pregnant lol.
2 comments
Info, is it sight or smell that does it? The trick to overcoming a reflex like that is to normalize it. Which is what this sounds like since you didn’t mention any trauma
If anything doing things that trigger will help. For smell semen tends to smell like chlorine so you could try getting pool scents.
Or if it’s sight try eating yogurt ect.. things that are similar to your trigger.
It can take time but you get to the point that your used to it.
You’re triggering your own disgust reflex. Do some reading on that topic. The words you think and the thoughts you have which are totally trainable are triggering it.