Men, how did you get over your fear of commitment and settle down?

41 comments

1. Actually finding a good woman helps

2. Easy. I never had a fear of commitment

3. For me, it was a matter of realizing that there was no real risk. I was afraid of committing to someone because I thought I was putting myself in a vulnerable position, but I eventually realized that it’s actually a strength. When you have someone to rely on and to support you, that’s an incredibly empowering feeling. Once I realized that, I was able to let go of my fear and make a commitment.

4. As someone who doesn’t understand fear of commitment, why are you afraid?

5. It’s not fear of commitment. It’s your inside voice desperately trying to tell you something. Don’t let anyone gaslight you about it.

6. The whole fear of commitment thing is just a stereotype. I don’t think it actually exists in the majority

7. No fear for me either. I just know what I like and the type or person I like. If you’re having doubts consider the why.

8. Never had that fear

9. For me it’s the other way around, can’t wait to start a family and settle down.

10. I don’t think I ever had such fear. Doesn’t mean I’d settle down with anybody.

11. We don’t have a fear of commitment. That’s a cope and a little jab using shaming language. Men commit to things all the time.

    Commitment comes with huge opportunity (and other) costs for men. Some men don’t see what is on offer by any woman as being worth those costs. Sometimes, the offer of a specific woman is not worth the costs.

    As far as marriage, with the laws being as dangerous to men as they are, not wanting to sign a legal contract that puts us at such a massive power disadvantage is completely reasonable. It’s actually unreasonable to trust anyone enough to sign a contract that gives them so much power to damage your life.

12. I didn’t and I don’t plan to. That fear is there for a reason.

13. Why would you want to? The word is huge to explore, go and travel and have fun.

14. For me it was never fear, just didn’t want to. A women making decent money and being an overall good person was the way to go in my case.

15. I never feared commitment. When I found a good woman, I married her.

16. Sounds misserable settling down with someone just to do it. Instead of finding one where’s there’s a large amount of love and mutual attraction. A recipe for a relationship ending later or going on relationshipadvice or dead bedrooms lol

17. Embrace chaos

18. Read about attachment theory and how to work with your commitment problems.

19. I don’t think I fear commitment in general. Commitment itself is nothing to fear.

    I fear that I’ve settled. I fear that some of the red flags I’ve seen are going to come up later as major character flaws. I fear that she’s not going to fix her bad behaviour despite promising that she will later. I fear that I’m being far too accommodating and forgiving simply because every other woman I’ve met so far has been worse, and yet even though she is the best so far I’m not happy with the way things are.

    I fear that somewhere out there is a woman who genuinely gets my experience, validates my frustrations towards the bullshit around my every day, and can make me feel a truly deep sense of understanding and solidarity that no other has made me feel thus far…and that I might never meet her if I’m stuck with someone else.

    ….man…. I need some air. Probably a fresh start and some therapy too.

20. I never had a fear of settling down, ever since I was a teenager I wanted the wife and kids in picket fence. But they ended up biting me in the ass because I was too big of a hurry to get into it.

21. My wife(then GF) stuck it through with me when I only had $10 in my account to last for the week and found free stuff to do around town for us. Not really sure why that was it for me but her desire to grind it out really floats my boat lol.

22. When I realized one day that my marriage was going to be what me and my future wife made of it and not automatically going to be my parents’ marriage. That flipped a switch in me.

23. Meet the right person.

24. Finding a good and honest woman. Litteraly honest. Also at reaching 30 I became aware that inside is way more important for a lasting relationship than looks.

25. What fear of commitment? I wasn’t afraid of partnering up – I was afraid of choosing a partner poorly.

26. Why do people think men have a fear of commitment? I know guys who have rooted for the same team through multiple losing seasons.

    If a man does not want to commit to you, it’s because they don’t want to commit to *you* not because they fear commitment itself.

27. Never really got over it, just faced it.

    Found a great woman, and told myself I was being ridiculous and was lucky to have her.

28. I found a good woman that had a good mix of traditional values with the loyalty, kindness, caring, compassion, and commitment that I desired in a wife. I didn’t get over my fear of commitment as much as she naturally overcame the barriers and boundaries that I set up to determine if I should marry someone. Been married for over a decade and we are incredibly happy, she is the best person to ever exist in my life and she sees me as her leader and protector that she adores. She also challenges me intellectually and always fills in the gaps to things I find difficulties in, along with being proactive in her desire to be better for herself and our family. She makes me want to be better too and become a better man for myself and family, which is a part of what I always wanted.

29. It’s not a fear of commitment. She’s not the right one. I mean I met my wife at 24, but I had 8 years of dating before that, I mean I was young but still. I never committed to anyone. Then I met my wife. I knew I would spend the rest of my life with her in the first few days. Dove in head first. 16 years later it’s still true.

30. Are you actually “afraid” of commitment or is that what your SO is saying to manipulate you into getting married? Could it just be that you’re not ready?

    When it’s right you won’t feel fear or pressure. It will be the most natural thing in the world. Hold out for that. Don’t rush into a commitment to fit someone else’s timeline.

31. Bold of you to assume men don’t commit out of fear. Marriage in the US opens men up to losing a lot with very little in return.

32. I was alone for 8 years. That combined with the right person

33. Cuddles. If a woman truely loves you she will cuddle you and tell you she wants to settle down,if she does I do too

34. It’s called giving up.. nothing wrong with you

35. Don’t have a fear of commitment, just haven’t found the right woman.

36. It wasn’t a fear of commitment, I just wasn’t ready till settle down till I was

37. I’ve never had a fear of commitment.

38. As soon as I met my wife my fear of commitment was gone.

39. It’s not a fear of commitment, it’s a fear that the woman you fell in love with is just a character that’ll disappear once you unknowingly commit to the less lovable person who’s playing her.

40. As men we spend our lives hoping she will never change. They spend their lives hoping we do.

41. Show me a woman worth committing to, and I’ll show you that it’s not commitment that I’m afraid of