My sister is very exhausting. All of her conversations and life surrounds men. To summarize, she has absolutely no problem ditching me for random men (even on vacations overseas) and would act as if I’m jealous of her when I express that it’s rude to just ditch me out of nowhere for some random dude, she likes to talk about how we’re SO different (she mostly means it in terms of appearance), she would say that men would hit on her more when I’m not with her (as if I’m the problem when she doesn’t get hit on), she would send photos of herself to me at the gym and would talk about how hot men think she is, she’s obsessed with the idea of getting married before me and would ask me if it was would bother me. Just overall, it feels like she’s “in competition” with me.
I cut off all contact with her after our vacation last summer, because her behaviour there made me realize that I would be happier without her in my life. I have my own place, so cutting her out was simply a social media block away.
Life was pretty good once she was out. I reconnected with some old friends and made some new ones, I got promoted (I have a really good career in the tech industry that I love), got a raise twice and started making plans to travel the world with my close friends. Everything was going well for me and still is, but around Christmas, I was basically forced to see her again. We started talking a bit, but it was more out of courtesy on my end, but she’s been taking it as an opportunity to rebuild our relationship. She wants me to go on vacation with her overseas this summer, but our last vacation last year is making me feel completely against that.
I tried to see if she has changed before I gave an answer, but nope. When I was talking to my mom about moving to either San Francisco or New York to further my tech career, my sister tried to change the conversation about men and me needing to meet men over there so that I can have a boyfriend. She tried so hard to find out about my love life, if I’m dating anyone, but I didn’t entertain it. When I ordered a bunch of makeup from Sephora, I was going through it with my younger (16) sister, she asked me how much it cost. I simply said that I’d rather not say since I paid an embarrassing amount (approx. $700), she then got upset and started showing off a ring her nearly 30 year old boyfriend of a few months gave her and how expensive it is. She always switched the ring to her ring finger when I’m around, even though we all know he never proposed or anything. She would try to complain to me about how my brothers partner of a DECADE and mother of my nephews is apparently jealous of her for having a boyfriend???
My mom doesn’t care if I don’t want to be close with her, cause she sees it – but my dad who lived in away from us in another city for the past year is making me feel bad cause we’re apparently supposed to always be close since we’re siblings.
TLDR; my little sister (19F) is boy crazy and I’m constant competition with me (23F). I’m sick of it and find myself much happier when I cut her out of my life. My dad is upset that I don’t want to be close to her. My mom understands and doesn’t appreciate her behaviour either.
2 comments
Is there a middle way?
Sounds a bit extreme to do a full cut out for this, as it’s likely a phase she’ll move through in time
I think it’s a fair boundary to tell her that you don’t like she turns every conversation to men or being in a relationship with a man, that’s not something you’re interested in talking about, it’s very repetitive for you and makes you feel like she has no interest in just you as a person on your own, and therefore you’re going to take a break from any communication. Sometimes siblings end up being very different people, so that if you just met her randomly you wouldn’t like her or want to hang out with her, and that’s fine. You can go no contact and check in in like a year if you feel like it. Otherwise it’s on her to realize her behavior has alienated you and take some steps towards being self aware.