We’ve been together nearly 3 years I let him take my anal virginity as he wanted to try and I was like sure but warned him I don’t think its gonna be my thing.
I also have pegged him about a handful of times 95% have been his wanting not really mine as I have always been curious about it.
Honestly it kinda wigs me out that he wants it makes me think his secretly bi or something cause he liked it more then vaginally sex, anyway I’ve let him do it to me about a handful of times but I knew from the 1st time it wasn’t my thing.
Anyway he constantly wants me to give him my ass and says I can do it back to him but I don’t want to it doesn’t get me off it turns me off, I have told him this but he just gets defensive and says he let me do it to him being a straight male and that he expects me to give it to him cause I did it to him, I’ve said well I can’t take that back but if I knew it would be like that I wouldn’t of done it.
Am I being unreasonable and selfish or am I totally right??
39 comments
First off liking butt stuff doesn’t make you attracted to men. Second, you’re obviously not sexually compatible, which is a huge deal for relationsips…
As another poster said — pegging or butt stuff doesn’t make a man bi. There is a lot of sensation in anal penetration for men, and liking anal sex with a woman doesn’t make you bi or gay.
It sounds like you’re sexually incompatible. If you do not like anal penetration but it’s a must for him, then break up and go your separate ways. You shouldn’t endure something you don’t like and he should have the opportunity to find a partner who likes what he does.
You’re not unreasonable for not liking anal, but he also should have the chance to find someone who does!
Your body, your choices. Any attempt to guilt you into a sexual act is disrespecting you and your boundaries and that’s not okay. Just because he’s into it, doesn’t mean you have to put aside how you feel about it.
He says he only wants to do it on occasion and never wanted to do it til we experimented with it and r3alised he kinda likes it but wants me on bored to but it’s just not for me, I’ve let him do it but he can tell im not into it.
Were not wanting to split there’s is more to our relationship then just a bad match when it comes to anal appreciation.
To the comment that said did I like the pegging, im not actually sure I thought it was a bit weird in the beginning then as he was mak8ng moaning noises there was a brief minute where I kinda did but felt weird after it, which I kinda think is a me problem his a him problem. It’s probably my own way of thinking, he thinks I’m too in my head and need to relax but
Expects, lol. The nerve. Entitled douche bags don’t deserve our affection . You’re totally right. Sexually incompatible and rude, on top of that? No go. And im seconding what the others are saying about liking anal not making him bi necessarily!
There’s nothing wrong with NOT liking anal, just like there’s nothing wrong with LIKING it.
Bi guy here, so I can give you the perspective of someone who’s tried it all.
Anal DOES feel different than vaginal sex, just like a blowjob feels different. Whether it’s the feel, or the view, it’s your guys thing…. So, if you can handle it occasionally, then do it to make him happy. If you really hate it, tell him, and stop.
He has no right to demand you do it. Just because he’s your BF, or just because he let you peg him. Doesn’t matter. You no likey, you no doey.
On the pegging him- if he likes it, and you are comfortable with it, do it. That’s a pretty cool thing: doing a sex act you couldn’t care less about, because your partner enjoys it. Still doesn’t give him the right to demand it from you in return though.
I don’t see him liking anal and you not as a deal breaker for your relationship, but his actions are a red flag for immaturity and a self centered world view, which ultimately could become a deal breaker for you. Hopefully you can both have a very calm, adult conversation about this, and come to an understanding. If he continues to act poorly about it, and try to demand, you might need to consider ending the relationship at that point.
This is probably a sign you should end the relationship. If he doesn’t respect your wishes about your body he doesn’t respect you.
Anal is the best
The guy comment is totally irrelevant and dumb. I think he just likes the feel better or something. It doesn’t at all mean he’s gay lol wth.
That being said, he’s hella selfish. Absolutely how dare he act like you’re supposed to do something you don’t want to. Hello that is him being the definition of selfish! Tell him he’s gaslighting you and you won’t have it. Tell him you don’t like it and what kind of boyfriend wants their girlfriend doing things that make then feel uncomfortable?! And next time you say no, stick to it. “I said no already. Why are you asking again? You are not respecting what I said I want for myself”
Buy a strap on and get ready to go to town on his ass. He wants anal? Fucking give it to him. He might just learn something about consent and boundaries.
[removed]
The old Christmas and birthdays compromise.
I don’t think you guys are sexually compatible honestly. Sounds like he’s way more into something than you’re gonna b ok with and constantly pushing and pulling w each other to give in. Prob better to find a guy who doesn’t wanna put it in your butt lol
A few things to “unpack” here. 1 – your ass is yours, whether it’s a one way street or not is up to you. 2. One’s ass isn’t gay or straight, it depends on who owns it meaning that straight men can like ass play, your bf discovered this does it for him but he sounds conflicted about it. 3. Just like there’s dog people and cat people there’s vagina people and ass people.
I hope you find a compromise
Your body your rules, remind him of that
And people wonder why bi men are afraid to come out. These comments from OP are disgusting and horribly bigoted.
The situation is very simple. You sit him down and you tell him no more butt stuff. No more pegging, and no more anal sex. No exceptions and if he insists, you will stop having sex all together until he stops insisting.
He is not respecting you and you don’t want butt stuff anymore.
That is definitely your choice to make and he should’ve be pressuring you for years to do something you know you don’t want to.
BUT just because he wants to do it to you and would let you do it to him doesn’t mean he’s bi(just a thought).
No, you’re not being unreasonable. Sex should be MUTUALLY pleasurable.
He’s being very immature and selfish…you’re going to have to put your foot down and just tell him how it’s going to be…it’s your body and your butthole! He’ll whine and throw a fit like the man child he sounds like but he’ll get over it or get a new address lol sounds like you’re going to be raising 2 kids lol
My bf loves doing anal with me, but just because i like it and let him fuck my ass doesn’t mean he will let me fuck his ass and thats fine i respect his boundaries, i want to pleasure him not force him into doing something He doesn’t like! You need a serious chat with your bf because its not ok how he is making you feel.
If it’s not for you, he needs to accept that. You should have anal with him only when you decide you want to. If that’s an occasional treat for him, fine. If that’s never again, also fine.
I don’t want my wife doing anything that she doesn’t enjoy. That means waiting until she’s ready for some things.
I would not continue being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect me saying no, and being pushy about having anal, which I also don’t enjoy. He’s being emotionally manipulative and coercive. You don’t even have to give him a reason, no means no. And if he doesn’t like it, tough shit.
You’re not unreasonable at all. However, you two may be very incompatible sexually and so this may just be a sign that this isn’t the right relationship for either one of you. There will always be things we like that our partner doesn’t and vice versa, and accepting that your partner maybe isn’t into all of your kinks or desires is part of maturity, it doesn’t need to spell the end of a relationship. However, when it gets to a point that one or both partners turn to manipulation tactics or cannot be satisfied with the sexual activity that is taking place, I would say that is a real difficult thing to overcome and a pretty big indicator this is the wrong relationship.
He is being rapey
No you are not unreasonable at all. Sex is about both parties and limits. He is not respecting your feelings. You tell him I dont like anal but tries to manipulate the situation. I wouldn’t say he is bi or gay just because he enjoys be pegged as you said. It just feels good for him. No shame to anyone like what you like. But I think you need to reevaluate why you are with this guy
He’s not entitle to your ass because he let you penetrate his. It’s illogical.
So, everyone expressed the ideea of boundaries and I agree, it is your body and you need to agree with what you want or not
I can only add an information that may help, I used to hate anal and always asociated with pain until I had a talk with a friend who told me that she enjoys it and I was really puzzled on the matter, but than she explained that she really enjoys it when she is very excited so I decided to try it like that and was amazed that it was pretty awsome.
I am only telling you this because I think that I had some limitations set in my mind and needed this information at that time.
Not saying that you should try it again but only keep in mind that it can be pleasureble if done at the right moment .
Hope this may help you.
Leave.
If you don’t like it and he pushes you to do it. It’s rape. You said no he guilt tripped you into it like a shitty little teenager. He’s clearly enjoying giving and receiving anal. He’s pushing you into doing something to him that he likes. And then using you doing the thing that he likes in order to guilt trip you into letting him do another thing that he likes. When you’ve been open about the fact that you do not like either of these activities break up with him. I know I’m just a stranger on the Internet, but I would say the same thing to one of my friends he clearly doesn’t care about your health and well-being and he’s prioritizing only his own pleasure. I’m sure you can even trace this ideology to other activities he does you haven’t told us about. He seems very selfish.
I think he should leave and find a woman that he is sexually compatible with.
I am not someone who generally touts the “You should break up” recommendation, but in this case I’m going to.
From my perspective you’ve given anal a try, probably multiple times. You didn’t say that it hurt or anything so I’m guessing you both did it “right”, but for whatever reason it just doesn’t do it for you. That’s ok even if it is a bummer.
He clearly loves anal, both giving and receiving (I can relate), but his approach is almost comedic. It’s like he’s read all the bitter posts on reddit where people say, “If he wants to fuck your ass tell him you get to fuck his first” and took it way too much to heart.
He’s not going to let it go. This is his kink and it’s clearly important to him. You may think you can overlook this for all the other positives in the relationship, but your resentment and his will build up. If you’re ok with not having a satisfying sex life for the rest of your life (and him for that matter) then stay together.
I would suggest couple’s counseling before going that route because I think its at least possible he can get to the root of his fixation. You might realize how important it is for him and work something out. But ultimately right now he’s being childish and there’s no reason you should put your happiness on the line for that.
Don’t stay one more min w someone who complains about how you have sex w them or complains about you not letting them do whatever they want. That mindset is SELFISH.
Congrats you are dating a giant man baby. Yes you are right. Your body your rules plain and simple
He’s just being achild about it
You are 100% right. Him guilting you into letting down your boundaries is emotional manipulation, and disrespectful to your boundaries.
If someone treated me like this I would dump them on the spot.
You’re not selfish at all. It’s your body. You have plenty of other fun sex options. Unless you’re completely depriving him of any and all intimacy, he’s being a big selfish baby.
Also I know there’s a lot of people that love anal..I think sn equal number of us hate it, it doesn’t feel good and grosses out folks that don’t wanna mix poop into their sex life. The reality is that your vagina was made for sex and your anus was not.
You gave it a try. He should feel lucky you at least tried! He needs to respect your boundaries, whatever they may be.
You two are highly incompatible if you can’t agree on whether there’s ass play or not in the bedroom. This will not get better even if you tell him no more
He should never be coercing you into receiving anal – EVER. You get to choose. And if he doesn’t respect your choice – that says a lot about him as a partner (all of it bad).
> Honestly it kinda wigs me out that he wants it makes me think his secretly bi or something cause he liked it more then vaginally sex, anyway I’ve let him do it to me about a handful of times but I knew from the 1st time it wasn’t my thing.
Also totally understand how pegging isn’t your thing, but it sounds like you have a lot of incorrect assumptions about it. Even if you never do pegging with anyone ever again (totally your choice), here is the *accurate* information:
https://peggingparadise.com/blog/2015/09/podcast-112-for-the-ladies/