7 year relationship. Rough start. Trust issues. Messy ex drama. Off and on then I left for a year. Back together for 3. Kid involved- really adores him. But I’m in limbo and need to commit to moving forward or a final fair well. Please read through this and give me your opinions. I’d also like to add that I HAVE acted bat shit crazy on multiple occasions, usually reacting to insults or being very untrusting. Not necessarily innocent but also worked through so much on my own (I go to therapy he doesn’t):
Pros:
Lots of time spent together
Doesn’t drink/smoke/party
Financially well- owns a home- invests
Get along with family even though they live far from us
Child knows him as step dad since always
Comes to all kids sport events
Home body (admirable because ex was a party guy)
Puts up with my moods
Cooks a lot
Grocery shops with me every week
Good job
Will tag along to things we want to do
Funny
Kid really likes him
Laugh a lot
Travel well together
Supports the things I want to do with job or hobbies etc
Cons:
Thinks bopping me on the head is affection (mannerisms of teenage boy)
Doesn’t really make effort to date or do things out of the house with kid unless I ask to, then he always agrees
Calls me names like donkey, nut bag, B!tch, freeloader, crazy, broken, etc when arguing
Reminds me how much his exes would like to be with him and everybody cheated on me when arguing
Says it’s his house- but expects me to clean more because I don’t pay half
Gets agitated if you interrupt him reading Reddit/clipboard/iFunny/hobby forums but spends a huge amount of time on them all
Burps and farts in public and thinks it’s funny even if I’m embarrassed
Says exes liked how silly he was when I ask him not to poke at me
Hides phone password but let’s me look if he’s the one to click on things
I can be controlling because of past issues (lies etc) and he has kind of accommodated to those extreme boundaries I’ve imposed- con on my part but enjoy his obedience for some reason
Sometimes says leave I don’t care (then if I agree to he says he can do better if I stay)
Makes sure I pay every other takeout
Constantly brings up how I don’t pay equally when I have an issue with anything else
Says I would need welfare without him or handouts (I make a lot less)
Says he’s the full package and I’ll just find another person who cheats on me or does drugs lol
TLDR: we have been together awhile and we do well together as a team but the disrespect when we argue makes it hard for me to want to move forward.
2 comments
Ignoring those that are reasonable on his side there are plenty reasons to end it there.
But very simply. If its not a *yes* it’s not a **yes**.
Sort it out for the poor child’s sake.
Your kid deserves to be around someone who respects and cares about you. This guy sounds like he does not.