I’ve (24M) noticed since the pandemic that tinder has become far less active, and far less used by people actually looking to date/meet up (or at least in my case).
I have tried all sorts of intros, jokes about their bios, just asking how they are, flirty, the works.
I am just finding I am rarely getting a reply. My bio (I have been told) is good, and have been told I am an attractive person, generally in real life. I go to a good university, I am clever, funny, caring, I don’t try to be anything I’m not. I just feel at a loss on these apps and am wondering if it’s time to take myself off them and just wait for something to happen organically.
I’m posting mainly out of curiosity, with 3 main questions:
1. What openers have you used that have worked in starting a conversation that isn’t just “Hey how are you?” because that I consider that dull and doesn’t initiate a convo well?
2. Have you noticed a decline in conversation rates over the past few years yourself?
3. Is tinder worth it anymore? I personally feel it’s been a tool to really undermine the self-esteem of every person that uses it – for men through their inherent lack of matches because of the way gender dynamics play out, and women tying their self-esteem to the number of men that think they are attractive.
Cheers 🙂
P.S – Challenge question: (aimed at women more generally but anyone can answer) I am not good at sports and don’t know where would be a good place to meet new people in real life, where’s a good place to start that also works to my advantage of being a (sounds braggy but I am paid this compliment often) great conversationalist
Edit: I have moved to a new city and it’s hard to meet people as I am working a lot, and don’t know a huge number of people – Those I do know are all in relationships and on average 10-20 years older than me (I work in a school).
2 comments
You need to have a life offline. You need to be active in your city and community regardless of dating. It is abnormal to not have any hobbies or social groups outside the internet and apps.
It has nothing to do with it not being active enough, it has more to do with the fact that women just don’t find you attractive and they aren’t swiping back or replying to you due to so many other options. Women are becoming more picky each year thanks to social media and the constant attention and validation they receive from hundreds of men on a daily basis, they’re only going for the really attractive guys. The top 20% of men are getting like 80% of the girls on dating apps like Tinder, if you’re not a minimum 8/10 in looks with good photos, you don’t stand a chance.
Don’t believe me? Here’s an experiment I want you to do that I’ve done myself: Create a fake Tinder account as an average cute woman and start swiping on every guy that pops up. I guarantee if you do this for 3 days, you will literally be overwhelmed with matches, likes, and messages. That’s just a cute average woman, imagine if she’s gorgeous. You can set your preference to men and look at the profiles that pop up just to see what your competition is and what you’re up against, then compare them to your profile. The results may surprise you.
My advice: Get off the dating apps and meet women in real life. Don’t be scared to cold approach or meet them through mutual friends.