Hi all-long time viewer first time poster. Have had a gf of 6 months- serious -thinking/talking about long term goals etc marriage. She asked me this question the other day- she has a \*(guy) friend for 10 years-best friend- now who she meets up with regularly – and she asked me if it was okay to go on a 3 week holiday to east europe with him (only) later this year – I told her i’m not sure and I need to think about it.
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The more I think about the- the more I feel more annoyed. I mean I know 6 months is still quite early-I have met her parents and vice versa. I trust her so i dont think anything will happen- but I feel like saying no for these reasons: I dont feel comfortable-explain below-i think if I spent 3 weeks with one of my friends (girl), spending most of my annual leave with her than my gf- i think my gf would be annoyed too. I would probably miss her if she went for 3 weeks, I prioritise her over my close friends- so I think I would like her to do the same- but this is making me now think I feel more serious about her than she is of me (even though she has stated otherwise)..i guess maybe shes not at that stage yet. It’s not that I dont want her to see her guy friends- she goes out with this guy 1:1 dinners/lunches/hikes etc which I’m fine with- because I know they’re best friends etc. Is it being insecure if I say no to her going with this close guy friend. Also I have met this guy only a few times- he seems genuine and nice. I just also think she shouldnt really ask me either- like if i say no then I just feel bad about it.
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Any thoughts? If your partner said the same for couple of weeks – would you be fine with it? Or would you expect your partner not to even ask, thanks
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TL;DR Gf asked if going out with guy friend for 3 weeks on holiday is fine
6 comments
Well, consider that she asked for you input, which is more than she would do if she were going away with a female best friend.
I thin you’re going to find the responses here mixed. There are some people who would have no problem with it because they trust their partners and don’t feel threatened by friends and there are those who would be threatened by this. What we think is immaterial. You need to discuss this with your girlfriend and figure out what you both can live with.
If you have boundaries you need to be honest about it. Tell her she is an adult and can do what she wants but tell her how you feel or you lose the right to angry later.
Lack communication is the slayer of relationships. Of she sees hom all the time THEN spends all her vacation with him more while you’re in the HONEYMOON phase of things…then that might be a glaring incompatibility for you.
Hell no bro that’s way too long of a time period of one on one intimacy.
Tell her to have fun and wish her the best of luck. Understand that you two aren’t compatible. She’s 30. At the point, she knows what she thinks is and is not appropriate in a committed relationship. If she thinks this is okay, you aren’t compatible, and if she doesn’t think it’s okay, and asked anyway, you DEFINITELY aren’t. This isn’t a negotiation or an argument, she showed you who she is. Believe it. You aren’t overly invested, so just move on.
She is just stringing you along until her best friend is ready to marry her.
This isn’t just some random dude she picked up last week. He’s been a friend for 10 years. This relationship is 6 months old. And honestly a friendship of 10 years carries a lot more weight at this time. If they wanted to be intimate, they know where to find each other. They don’t have to travel for 3 weeks alone.
He’s allowed to not be ok with it, but then just be honest. He doesn’t want his woman traveling with her male friend.