How does your relationship with your mother affect your daily existence?

4 comments

1. >do you have a good relationship with your mother?

   Yes

   >Do you aspire to be like her?

   No. I admire what she has achieved and i think that she is a very strong woman. But she has also experienced trauma and refuses to address it and manage it so it presents itself in her life in negative ways.

   >Does she set a good example?

   Sometimes. She is a loving and generous person. She is hardworking and will go the extra mile for her family. She is also terrible at looking after herself and regularly burns out and has to rely on us to manage her so that she takes care of herself.

   >What would you like to change to stop yourself becoming like her or to make yourself become her?

   I have spent 10years in and out of therapy working on my emotional intelligence, anxiety, coping strategies and setting boundaries so that I don’t take on the negative traits that were role modelled for me.

   I am able to express my emotions in a healthy way, use “i statements” instead of criticism and have strategies for managing my own burn out and mental health. I also work on prioritising preventative health care for myself (regular blood tests and health checks, skin checks, as well as getting regular massages etc)

   I also work really really really hard on my own feelings of guilt and stress etc so my children have a different experience. So they have a mother who models self care, self compassion and kindness to herself not just other people.

2. I think my relationship with her is good. She’s a very fit and beautiful woman who I hope to be like. She has money and health, and she has abs at 61!! I wish I was more like her, but there are some things I wish I wasn’t like her. I pray IF I EVER get with a man I will not do as my mother did. She’s amazing, but her taste in men is shit.

3. Very close with my mother but I suppose I would look at her ‘example’ in a mixed way. When it comes to finance, she’s taught me a lot. In personality traits we are different, she’s a lot quieter and wouldn’t voice her opinion as quick as I would.

   I wouldn’t repeat the dynamics of my parents marriage (both working but the wife doing the housework).

   Love her to bits and I’m glad I call her my best friend, that doesn’t mean we don’t bicker!

4. do you have a good relationship with your mother?

   It’s okay. We get along and talk often but we’re not super close.

   Do you aspire to be like her?

   No.

   Does she set a good example?

   Not really, but she had her first kid and got married at 21, divorced and became a single mom of 3 at 30. Her life was hard. I used to hate her, but she didn’t do drugs or drink or abuse us so I’ll take what I can get.

   What would you like to change to stop yourself becoming like her or to make yourself become her?

   In all honesty I think not having kids (yet) helped me avoid a lot of the shit that went wrong in her life. I might have one eventually but it will be a much different situation than the one she was in, since I’m already 30. I’m hoping to have more hobbies and passions later in life… She doesn’t really have anything that she does for fun and it’s depressing.