I (15F) have just started my high school life this year, it’s going pretty smoothly but the one thing I struggle with is talking to others and making friends. I am the shyest in my class and when people try to talk with me I freeze up. At one point they even stopped trying to talk to me because I can’t keep a conversation going for more than 3 minutes max and it always and every time ends in awkward silence.
Though, something surprising for me is that I have recently (for about 1 month) started talking to my seat mate (15M). He’s really awesome and the polar opposite of me, extremely talkative and outgoing, and for some reason I am able to talk to him freely. We ended up bonding over many things and now he talks to me the most in the class. It felt like I had finally made a friend.
But then one day I learned that he doesn’t believe in friendship and that he has no friends. I also learned that he used to have a best friend but said friend betrayed him; something which I believe to be the root cause of his lack of belief in true friendship. This crushed me because I was hoping to become friends with this guy, the only one I’m able to talk to in my class.
I suddenly started doubting our exchanges, started believing that he doesn’t like me. He has a habit of insulting me, but he said he is a meanie with everyone. He also said a few times that I’m too shy and that that was the cause of me not having friends.
I don’t know what to do because I know he doesn’t want friends but the way he acts with me proves otherwise.
Should I try to become friends with him or should I just leave it at buddies? I really, really like him and don’t have many other options…
6 comments
The answer starts with food. You’ll want the help of your local Baking club, but it should get him to open up a bit more.
However, do be careful. Insults are not a good foundation for a strong relationship.
For now, I would stick with him as a close acquaintance.
^(side note, may I recommend checking with the chess club? I get there may be a bit of a stigma around it due to television, but it may help.)
not sure if u want to hear this, but i guess time will show.
don’t stress out too much about it and just be your beautiful self! Friendships do not build over such a short period of time (or not often). As long as you two get along so nicely, you should just enjoy the time.
He also probably has trust issues. Show him that he can trust you.
Just be safe and know your boundaries. If he’s getting too mean he’s probably not good for you.
Don’t try to be friends. Forget about that.
Just hang out and do things.
invite him to do shit , if he says no keep talking to him like you always do , if he insults you stand up for yourself and say hey i know you act that way to everyone but it don’t feel too good to me i’d appreciate if you don’t do it
and him saying you’re too shy , i mean he’s stating the fact even you say you’re shy it’d be a good conversation starter for you asking hey, how’d you become this talkative? got any advice?
Skip this one. You don’t need the trouble and you can’t fix people. Learn that now.
TL;DR don’t force him to become your friend, you still are able to form a certain connection with him, give him time.
>But then one day I learned that he doesn’t believe in friendship and that he has no friends.
That is his belief. Beliefs are extremely hard to change, for example, someone who grew up in a christian household will most likely be christian their entire life, even if you try to convince them God doesn’t exist and give them some arguments they (most likely) are not going to listen to you.
And that is their right. It’s their religion, their choice. A person who is not open to change, will not reconsider their position on a certain topic.
Therefore, I believe we should not force our beliefs/opinions on other people if they are not willing to reconsider, no matter how much you disagree with their opinion.
The dude you are talking about has his beliefs, and his right to believe whatever he wants. You might not be his friend, because he doesn’t believe in friendship. But! He might form an emotional connection with you and he might care a lot about you, while still declining friendships exist.
So, he might form an attachment with you, which ordinary people would call friendship. He just gives that emotional attachment another name.
Give him time. If you will stay long enough with him and be there for him as a friend, he might reconsider and call you “friend”.
Speaking from personal experience, I have a 2 friends and a lot of acquaintances. I care a lot about some of my acquaintances. One guy i see a few times a week, he knows way too much about me and yet, he is not my friend. Simply because we are only 6 months close. That is not enough for me. In my situation it’s a rule that if one wants me to consider them as a friend, they should be a good acquaintance for AT LEAST a year.
!No one can change that, only accept and wait.
I believe you should also do so, accept him as he is and wait.
I hope this helped at least a little bit:)