Long distance boyfriend ended relationship right after saying I love you multiple times officially and even talking about moving. Said he didn’t think he could be faithful away and no longer wants commitment.

We dated 4 months before he moved states to pursue school and his career and then one full month of long distance. I’m three years older. He’s 23. I’m 26F. The age difference doesn’t help cause he’s figuring more out for himself than I am. Even though I still definitely am.

He visited last weekend after his first full month of classes and told me officially first that he loves me and just wants the best for me no matter what happens. Also that night while making love he kept saying how much he missed me while we were apart and how if I moved to where he was we could do that all the time. And he stopped love to say I love you again. I returned it. Also on one of our calls earlier this week he ended the call with I love you again.

A week later and he calls and says he wants to be honest with me and doesn’t think he can be faithful to me with the distance and changed his mind about wanting a long term commitment or marriage. He prefaced nothing has happened and no cheating has taken place, he just doesn’t really think the long term stuff is for him, even though we had multiple discussions when together about it. He seemed skeptical of marriage but said he knew someday he’d want it and a family. But now he doesn’t think so.

Not once did I try to talk him out of it. He’s allowed to change his mind. I asked some clarifying questions such as how long he had been feeling that and if there really wasn’t anyone else he was interested in. And told him I’m glad he made that call now rather than later. We gave it a good shot so at least I’m not wondering what ifs. This was all through some muffled tears from me and I kind of wish he didn’t hear them.

It’s just the complete 180 that gets me really confused because of how much he seemed into it last week and then quickly decided it’s a no for him a week later. Obviously then these feelings were there even when he did say I love you. I do get the issue with the long distance. It’s hard so I understand that. I just wish he didn’t initiate or mention those big steps only to take them back. I don’t take those steps lightly when I make them.

I tried saying my goodbyes and good luck, and he tried saying he didn’t want to ghost me and still wants check in on me sometime and hopes I’ll respond but I told him that’s not best for me and I need a clean break. He understood but still hopes he can check on me someday. I didn’t respond.

This isn’t the first relationship either where the guy initiated a big step with me only to decide no right after but still want to keep contact somewhat after. I told both that’s not for me but they still want to try and not let go fully. I know there’s nothing wrong with me but I hate this pattern I’ve experienced. It will be super hard for me to not anticipating the ball to drop any minute when I do like someone and want to make it work. 💔

TL;DR! Long distance boyfriend ended relationship last night and said he didn’t want any longer and didn’t think he could be faithful to me away. Said it was too tempting. Week before in person he initiated saying I love you officially and even mentioned me hypothetically moving there. Not the first time he had mentioned it either. I get it but also am still confused.