Ive always had a mental block when a girl at a cafe / restaurant / takeaway place flirts with you, truth is in most cases she’s just being friendly as part of her job.
But a few times in my life Ive been left wondering about women who’ve kept it up constantly, asked more and more about my life or hobbies, asked if I lived nearby or made signs that if any other girl had you would immediately act on.
Im making this post because a girl I used to get coffee from who’s now married recently said “you realise I was hitting on you right” when we were chatting about the old days but seriously how tf am I supposed to differentiate between being friendly or intentionally flirting unless she is extremely overt and direct with me since she’s working a service job.
13 comments
Match their energy.
If they don’t escalate, you don’t escalate – leave things where they are.
If they escalate, you respond in kind, then see how she responds to that, & see if she then escalates even further.
That girl was talking nonsense. Flirting ≠ courting/hitting on someone. Flirting doesn’t mean *anything*. Because of that I ignore it when it seems to happen, I’m not into playing stupid mind games.
Imo a lot of the conventional advice on this stuff is overbearing, i.e “Never EVER flirt with a barista/waitress/etc.” and so on. I’ve been in a similar situation as you, OP; where the baristas were obviously flirting, but all the advice I’d heard was telling me to ignore it.
TWICE I hung out with a platonic girl friend of mine and two separate baristas admitted their crush on me to them.
At this point, you know what I say? Fuck it, ask them out. You think they’re flirting, then just ask if they want to hang out. If they reject, accept it briefly and gracefully, but otherwise shoot your shot king.
You let the natural flow of the conversation be your guide. Use humor and hypotheticals to test the water and you allow the woman to a professional. Being hit on by guys is part of the experience of working in these types of jobs. I’m sure they can handle themselves.
I pay them zero mind, just provide the service I’m paying for all that matters
If they aren’t slipping you their number or suggesting meeting “after work”, just assume they’re providing customer service.
I just talked to her normally. After I left the store I remember my dad said I think that girl liked you and looking back at it I think she did.
Pull an Adam Sandler from Grown Ups 2
1. Make her smile
2. Compliment her smile
3. Say she has to out with you tonight
Why tonight? Less time to think about what happened and hopefully be head over heels with you
I usually don’t notice they’re flirting and I assume they’re being nice. If it’s obvious they’re flirting, I show I’m not interested through body language
If they say something like “do you have a girlfriend?” (or some variation thereof that’s obviously trying to find out if you’re single), “what are you doing tonight?”, or other things that seem like they’re obviously trying to find out if you’re available, then I’ll leave my phone number.
I just assume they are doing it for tips
I enjoy the attention but don’t do anything about it.
You don’t react. It’s been said time and time and time again that flirting with people at work is completely inappropriate. Take that to heart and pay her no mind. 99.9%of the time she’s doing it for tips. The other .01% need to learn to be more direct. It’s not you.