A new social skill I’ve been trying to practice

I find a lot of social skills advice can be left way too open to interpretation and it always has this underlying ideology of “be interesting for others” or “be unique and funny for others” “be this, don’t be that” etc. I’ve been desperately trying to find another way because that shit just doesn’t work for me, it comes off as people pleasing and validation-seeking. I am who I am, and I can’t change that, and I certainly won’t change my personality for other people’s approval.

I forget who told me this, but I heard somewhere along the line that instead of working for other people’s approval, we should be focusing more on whether or not we approve of them. We have value just like they do, we’re good people and we make valuable friends too. Other people aren’t just above us somehow. We have to believe that we’re the prize, and ask ourselves what they bring to the table, rather than trying to prove what we can bring for them. Instead of being like “look how funny and interesting I am for you!” we have to ask ourselves if this person is interesting enough for us. Because trying to showcase how interesting or funny or whatever you are just comes off as desperate and people-pleasing in most cases.

People are probably going to disagree with me and tell me that it’s cold and heartless to look after yourself and what you want first. But that’s really how the world operates. I’m not saying to be an asshole, but if we constantly put others first trying to please them being funny and interesting for them, we’ll never get anywhere in life. But anyway I’ve been trying to practice this mindset lately and it seems to be helping me a little bit more.