So I asked my boyfriend if he would be comfortable with me buying a sex machine because I have a hard time orgasming generally, but especially when I have me-time because I can’t focus on many things at the same time, same with sex. So when I masturbate with dildo, it’s not as pleasurable because I have to focus on getting the dildo in the right angle, rhythm etc and I just get so unfocused on the pleasure. Same when me and my bf have sex, if I want clit play he needs to be the one to do it or else I get unfocused and the pleasures fades. I have asked him before if he could be the one thrusting the dildo which he has done a few times but often it’s a no bc he’s too tired from work etc so I thought a sex machine would solve it. But he said no because he thinks that I want it because it can go as long as I want it too and as hard as I want it to. While that is true, that’s not the reason why I want one. And I tried telling him that it isn’t replacing him or have anything with him not being enough but he just won’t listen. If I buy one I’ll use it on me-time bc that’s when I’ll need it. But I also said that if he can use the dildo on me more often then I probably won’t need a sex machine. But like I said he probably won’t bc he’s too tired etc which I understand which is why I thought of a sex machine. He is also insecure bc I told him in the beginning that he comes too fast and that I need more time which might also be a reason to why he doesn’t want me to have one. I would appreciate advice or your opinion regarding this. If anyone has been in the same situation I would love to hear your story. And if anyone has the same problem as me regarding not being able to focus on many things at the same time and have some advice I am open for it. Thanks for reading. ( I asked him because I don’t want to buy something he’s not fully comfortable with, but I also want him to understand the reason)
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He can’t tell you how to masturbate. Get the sex machine.
A lot of men are very worried about sex toys replacing them or they think they sex toys are not on the same team. It’s really misguided. Personally we have a Sybian, a f machine and dozens of toys. They are absolutely not a competition but are a part of the same team. My wife has any sex toy she wants but by far natural is still her favorite even when we include any and all toys in the mix. I am not sure how to be able to get your bf to understand that as he may just completely disregard it due to his insecurity.
The only thing I can potentially suggest is maybe get him a sex machine or toy too. Something like a Fleshlight or some other masturbator. I can suggest a Venus for men (it’s expensive). That way you can use the toy on him during sex and help show it isn’t about competing but giving each other the best orgasms you can.
Well he shouldn’t be intimated by the sex machine, as long as he has confidence in himself. after all it is your body and you decide what is best for you.
You told him he doesn’t last long enough for you, that he should use a dildo during sex and that you need a machine to get you off – which will make his performance look even worse to you…are you that oblivious?
You are basically screaming at him that he is not enough for you.
Make him confident about his performance and he won’t be opposed as much. There are ways to make him last longer – I am sure the subreddits wiki has something for you. Make him using a dildo on you about him.
keep in mind that probably it won’t feel as good as you envisioned it to.
especially because the mechanical part of sex is only one thing. it won’t replicate the emotional component.
but if this is your kink, or you’re just looking for the machanical part of masturbation… i think you should be allowed to pursue this. maybe get some kind of agreement and do your best to dispel your partner’s doubts. a sex machine is a weird thing for a normal person. and it’s difficult to know you’re not able to satisfy your partner and this machine will be a constant reminder… it won’t be easy for him. but his other alternative is to veto this and have you unhappy… that’s not what he should do. just my oppinion.
also, idk if this is common knowledge: there are multiple books and (paid) online-courses about female pleasure and masturbation techniques. you could check that out, too.
You’re not wrong for wanting one. But I think it’s going to cause issues for the relationship based on the descriptions of your BF. It adds on to you have some unique issues going on with not being able to use a vibe with PIV. Something you might want to check is I believe Liberator sells some sex pillows/furniture that have wand mounts.
Overall, you may have some incompatibility issues that might not easily be resolved. And I don’t think anyone is wrong for doing or not doing something. But you may be better off with a partner that’s a real toy kink. Which I’ll admit as a male with one, is kind of rare.
You don’t EVER need permission from your partner for whatever you want to do to your own body.
Note: my wife uses a vibrator during oral and piv, good for her.
Regardless of what it is, when if comes to buying something for yourself as long as it’s something you can get a good use out of and not make yourself broke, buy it! No one should control your decisions when it comes to materialistic things. And the only case where you should take more consideration in how you spend YOUR money is if you are married and share finances. Respecting boundaries is understandable but he must respect yours as well.
You sound like a good partner. Him, not so much. Keep talking if you want to preserve the relationship. It sounds like there are other dynamics at play. I would also try to get into couples counseling.
Some people orgasm fast and others slow. Guys will generally get to a point where they can control their own pace to match their partner but that typically takes years to master. A lot has to do with hormone levels. The higher T levels, the longer men typically will last.
There sounds like there is also insecurity going on with your BF. If you care about him taking a hard stance might be pretty mean but ultimately you should be in control of your own sexuality. How often you masturbate is part of that.
Keep talking and best of luck.