I’m not sure how to ask what I want to ask. I am a man in my late 30s and am trying to make new friends / build a social circle. I recently moved countries and do not have any friends here. Now I know HOW to do this. Join a club, volunteer, participate in a social hobby etc. However, my question is more geared towards how these friendships look like. I don’t really value friendships that aren’t close. For example, hanging out with a group of people and watching a sporting event , but outside of arranging that meetup, never really communicating with each other. These types of friendships are fine, but they aren’t close or fulfilling to me. What I want is more of a typical “female type” of friendship, one where we regularly communicate with each other about things, keep up with how we are doing, able to talk about issues we are having etc. Thinking back on it, I have never had this relationship with a male friend outside of ones I have found online, where we only communicate together online. So, I am curious if other men regularly have these kind of close relationships with their male friends, or if it is not something that is very common / achievable. Do you personally regularly communicate with your male friends about things other than meeting up? Also, if yes, do you think this would be possible to do with a new friendship?
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If you want close friendships, you need to build & maintain casual friendships. The close friendships grow out of thebcasual friendships. Building close friendships takes time and work. You can’t skip a step in the process.
>So, I am curious if other men regularly have these kind of close relationships with their male friends, or if it is not something that is very common / achievable
It is attainable. Thinking back on the ones I’ve formed (which fall into that dynamic do you have outlined) they all have one thing in common… they began by arbitrarily ‘bonding’ over something less than ideal.
One of my friends I didn’t know overly well but I helped him out when he was in a bind and we became close after. Another was having girlfriend issues and for whatever reason I just happened to be the one that was around that he vented too. Another was there for me when I was all stressed out after I moved back to town.
Just something that pushed things over the social friendship line. Ya’ know?
>Do you personally regularly communicate with your male friends about things other than meeting up?
Yep. They’ll come over or I’ll just come over to BS about… nothing really. Just to shoot the sh*t or something. Just checking in to see how their day is going.
>Also, if yes, do you think this would be possible to do with a new friendship?
Sure… Why not? Where I live and in my experience guys will talk about anything and any damn near anywhere. It may not be in depth conversation but they’re open to talking about just about anything. There is a chance that whatever you end up talking about could be meaningful and connective, so sure. Why not
All of my close friendships grew out of participating in a group activity. Gaming mostly (because im a nerd) but i dont imagine its very different from other group-based hobbies. Time, proximity, and communication.