What is the greatest comeback to a insult you’ve ever heard?

21 comments

1. No u

2. The intense loudness that comes along with silent disapproval/disappointment before total dismissal.

3. On a job site and two people started arguing.

   “You wanna talk to me about spray insulation? I wrote the fucking book”

   “Nobody fucking reads it”

   May not be the best but it sure was funny

4. Yeah!!!! Well fuck you!!

5. Well you fight like a dairy farmer

6. I know you are, but what am I?

7. I don’t know why and honestly even mentioning it makes it sound stupid, but any variant of “I’m not a mirror” gets me by surprise every single time

8. Response to being called a pussy:
   “Well, I am what I eat.”

9. “I feel bad for you.”

   “I don’t think about you at all.”

10. That’s why your father left you

11. You stink of piss!

12. Heard this at work several years ago between a group of women,

    “Don’t mind her. She’s still mad that a girl from Kansas dropped a house on her sister.”

13. The only reason you’re still vertical is because that nice lady behind the counter would have to clean up the mess when I’m done. I’ve got bail money, so make your choice.Now run along with your little friends and tell them how you would’ve totally beat my ass.

14. Them: you must be gay

    Me: Because I dress and smell better than you? But I’ll also bang your girlfriend.

15. There’s no “I” in Team, Kenny.

    There may be no “I” in Team, but there is a “U” in Cunt.

16. An argument involving a woman and a guy that hated women because he was apparently denied by a prostitute.

    When she pointed it out his only response was “fuck you!” It was quickly responded to with “You couldn’t pay me enough, bitch!”

17. A younger peer (20s) in the music biz used to always say shit like, “….your Mom” to me (30s at the time) … then i met his Mom (late 40s) … long story short, i slept with his Mom and did lots of nssty kinky dirty things raw dog to her and he has never made a “…your mom” comment to me or anyone around me ever again.

18. I used to work with two brothers. They generally got along quite well. I enjoyed working with both of them. But then there was this:

    “You son of a b—h!”

    “Hey, she’s your mother, too!”

    I don’t know about greatest, but I haven’t forgotten it.

19. I was in a bar & a guy started mouthing at another. 1st guy gets all nasty & pumped up & makes the comment about ‘come on MFer, I’ll beat your ass!’. 2nd guy was calm as hell & replied “what’s your name Dude so I know who I’ll be sharing the ambulance with!”. Funny as hell & guy #1, started calming down real quick.

20. Yeah? Well if I had a dog that looked like you, I’d shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards.

21. “Next time you scream my name have a smile on your face.”