The guy I used to date can only talk to me or make eye contact when he drinks a lot. And when he does, he’s very nice and playful. When he’s sober, however, he avoids eye contact but will stare at me across the room. What does this mean? Does he hate me? Or am I overthinking it?
More context: he and I dated for 4 months. He is a dismissive avoidant and thus ended things bc it got too intimate too quickly.
TIA
TL;DR Guy (24M) I (23F) used to date can only talk and look at me when under the influence. Otherwise, he stares at me from afar. What does that mean?
2 comments
He’s avoidant. He’s uncomfortable with affection. And he likely has issues with women (possible answers are fear, dislike, contempt). The avoidant i used to date acted like he respected women, but would sit across from me in the room with a sad look on his face. Painted all his exes as crazy abd abused him. Once he got “comfortable” with me, he physically, sexually, and verbally abused me every time we were together. Abd he said Mr and his exes deserves this treatment.
He didn’t hate you specifically. It’s likely how he feel about all women. Regardless of the the motive, and whatever justification he tells himself, just let it go (I say that respectfully). You’re better off without him. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, not treat you like he’s doing you a favor for dating you.
Read attached by Levine, not to sound cliche. It answered so many of my questions on why my relationships used to end up like my story above (and still can if I’m not careful).
I think it’s sad that you’re over here wondering what it means if a guy who didn’t even like you enough to briefly date you looks at you or doesn’t look at you. I’d be asking yourself if you want to spend your life chasing unavailable guys and analyzing their behavior when you could be devoting the same attention to guys who can be bothered to glance your way sober. Yikes.