How do males esp manage to have rough sex but still stay a caring partner? My (F) bf (M) and I had rougher sex in the beginning (started as hookup) but since feelings have gotten stronger, he’s gotten less and less rough. But I still want that sometimes. I just don’t think he’s as comfortable now bc it’s clear he cares about me. What activities/techniques/after care/language helps couples enjoy both?
3 comments
You need to communicate with him what you still want and/or need in bed from him and explain that it doesn’t not diminish how much you care about him. In fact to me it’s almost the opposite due to the love and trust that exist between you two he’s able to be rough and it’s more enjoyable bc you know he’s not going to hur you.
As for afterward some good cuddle and maybe a TV show to decompress and also talk about what happened. Give him feedback so that he knows that you enjoyed it and that you still feel loved and cared for.
I went through this a little with one of exs and lots of cuddles afterwards as well as talking about what I liked pr didn’t like. I also made sure during the session to male noises and work reactions so he knew I was into it.
my bf and i are like this! we tend to have more emotional sex most of the time but sometimes i want roughness. usually i’ll just tell him that i want it rougher a certain day and he’ll know that just because he’s not being as gentle as usual, doesn’t mean that i’m feeling violated or anything.
rough can mean multiple things — does it mean degradation? more power and force during intercourse? slapping and hitting? i think it may be good to talk with him about the things you want and the things he’s willing to do!! would you be okay with being tied up or blindfolded as a “punishment”? or just degraded a little? and so on
I recommend you think about why you like it rough and tell him about it, don’t worry about the what at this stage. Focus on what you would be thinking and feeling when he’s rough, why you like that feeling, why it turns you on. When he understands how you think and feel about it he can get into the same headspace, and he might realise it takes a lot of trust and care, which is very different from an impersonal casual hookup.
It may be useful for him if you can articulate what you fantasise him thinking of, e.g. that he wants you so badly he’s out of control, it’s primal. If you can get him into the same frame of mind as you it will be easier for him to run with it.
Then once he’s understood what you’re thinking you can talk about how you like it and the finer details, role-playing, safe words, aftercare etc.