I’ll (22F) keep it simple, like the title says there’s this guy(25M) I’ve become awfully close with and he acts like we’re exclusive and implied he wants to do sexual stuff, but since there’s reasons we can’t be together he says we’re just friends. He admitted he’s also got feelings for me and would be pursuing something with me because according to him I’m “a very funny and beautiful person”, but he’s married and I refuse be a “sneaky link” because that’s just not who I am. I tried to avoid him in person, but instantly felt guilty because he said he’d hate to be the reason I lost my smile so I agreed we could stay friends. I guess the problem is after he found out how I really felt about him and I stopped avoiding him, his behavior changed. We used to text often before, but it’s become an all day, everyday thing… He offered to buy me some of the devils lettuce to help with my insomnia, and when I said I’ve never done that he said we could smoke together. He also said I should show him my secret back tat irl sometime if that were cool and was very interested in the placement. According to my guy bestie both of those things imply he wants to hook up. I guess I’m kinda just venting here and I don’t expect to get any comments lol.
25 comments
He sucks for cheating on his wife.
You suck for letting this continue instead of cutting him off.
End of story.
All you’re doing is keeping yourself from meeting someone who can actually offer you a relationship and treat you right. Why are you doing that?
This guy has a wife. He’s being shitty to her and being shitty to you and you’re currently enabling him to keep doing both. Walk away. Focus on your life and on finding a guy who’s not a cheater and user—because make no mistake, he’s using you for an ego boost and using you to keep his life exciting but he has nothing whatsoever to offer you.
if he has wife set and done on paper and everything. and he is telling you all these sweet nothings. he will not hesitate to do the same to you. you have been enabling this behavior for far too long. imagine how his wife feels if she were to hear her husband wanting to see another women’s bare back. imagine how YOU would feel hearing your husband, the one that’s suppose to be committed to you, telling another women sexual shit and how he wants to see their spine tattoo. if you’re okay with that then idk what to tell you.
Wait what are you doing entertaining a married man ??? I feel bad for his wife tbh
He’s married you idiot… move on. Lol
Is he your coworker? How you did find out he was married? By him?
Don’t fall on that trap, OP,you deserve better.
Get rid of the nuance and let him know that there is no physical relationship, there is no romantic relationship and there never will be. By keeping this so confused you are basically stringing him along. This will feed his delusion and make him even more unhappy when the time comes for you to be straight with him.
You’re already a sneaky link because his wife doesn’t know he’s talking to you. He’s grooming you into eventually sleeping with him. He knows what he’s doing, it’s a manipulation tactic.
It’s not too late to send screenshots to his wife and stop talking to him. You need to process this as a breakup because you are fully in a relationship with this man you can’t have. He’s cheating and even if they divorce he is a long time away from being a good partner.
I stopped after ¨he’s married¨. You said you ¨refuse to be a sneaky link¨ but that’s what you’re actually doing lmao. Both of you suck tbh but at least you have the opportunity to kick some common sense into you and get away from that trash.
He’s not your friend. He’s trying to manipulate you by labeling the relationship as something it’s not. I don’t take my top off to show my platonic male friends my tattoos or body. JFC.
He’s married….. Nuff said. Even IF he were to divorce his wife and date you, you just started a relationship with this man based on lies, deceit, and infidelity. Do you believe he wouldn’t do the same thing to you? I feel so bad for the wife, poor woman. If you have any ounce of dignity you will drop this man immediately, and maybe even give his wife a heads up…. He’s trying to stay married while keeping you around on the side when he wants attention, fucked. Treat others how you want to be treated. Would you want some chick trying to get with your husband? I would definitely not, so I’m not gonna go do that to other people.
Karma is real. What comes around goes around. Your asking for a very rude awakening.
Why are you participating in this, would be a more useful question to sit with. Looking inward as to why you allow him to do all of these behaviors listed will help you identify a wound that might be lowering your self esteem & allowing you to believe you don’t deserve better.
He sounds like he’s using the hell out of you & trying to essentially groom you for his benefits. If he said he can’t pursue intimacy with you but continues to cross every single boundary except that, he is simply using you to get his needs met without *technically* cheating on his partner. Ask yourself, if you were his partner, would you like him having the exact same relationship with another woman as he is with you?
Do a little research on boundaries & people who lack them. You will notice his & your own behaviors come up. You have a role here as well, in all respect. You are not showing that you respect yourself & are not enacting any boundaries with him. He’s picking up on this & knows he can cross all the boundaries with you because you allowing & complicit with it. Someone with healthy boundaries would have told him to kick the curb & leave her alone.
You are worthy of someone that wants to pursue you fully. You are worthy of friendships that don’t take advantage of you & try to you use you for emotionally & almost physically cheating. You deserve more than this. Focus on healing yourself & enforcing stronger boundaries & the wrong people will be turned off by them & the right people will respect them & gift you with healthy attention. Use this opportunity to not shame yourself but rather to learn from it and adjust your behaviors to attract healthier people. You got this.
Girl, you are 22, you deserve a full man to yourself. If you are going to lower your standards and share a man with someone else, at least wait until you are an old dried up prune of 65+!
The connection you think you have with this guy isn’t a true, genuine connection. You’ll be better off cutting him out of your life than continuing on this path to eventual destruction. Ask yourself: what good can come out of this situation? Best case scenario, and be honest. Best case: he leaves his wife? I don’t think you’d want that burden.
It’s all around wrong that you and him are interacting in the way that you are considering that he’s married. I would cut ties if I were you also take melatonin if you have issues with insomnia my friend. I know what that’s like and melatonin does have its benefits in moderation
Oh um??? I hope this is fake. If not pls get some self respect. He doesn’t give a fuck about you … or his wife which he obviously cares a million times about than you and he’s still cheating on her so yeah. This is embarrassing. You’re humiliating and debasing yourself for some random man who wouldn’t do a single mf thing for you. I’m sorry to be harsh but it’s true. If you don’t break it off asap unfortunately you deserve everything you get (which will be nothing… but heartbreak, humiliation, and prob some stds.) good luck.
Edit: after reading ops other comments this was too harsh. She realizes her issues and faults in this so yeah. Everyone makes mistakes
LMFAOOO really? as soon as he said he had a “wife” you still let allowed those to happen. The tactics this guy is trying is literally one I’m familiar with but the thing is I wouldn’t do that to my wife if I had one. Like you said your 22 this dude is not the love of your life since your still young. I mean if you still engaging in shit like that in the future….. your honestly just going to be a shitty person. If I were you I would tell the wife and get the fuck out away from him. But devil lettuce? Cmon he’s going to try to sleep with you obviously. See your tat on your back? Yeah right there’s something behind that. Manipulation tactics to get right in your pants and leave you after he’s done. Just get away from him I really don’t want his wife to suffer.
If you were married would you want your husband doing this?
Don’t make friendship with guys if you are not romantically interested
Lol he married? Drop him. What a snake. There better people out there with the right moralities. You don’t need this
He’s married. Please leave. Save yourself. You wouldn’t want your husband to be treating you like this. He’s bad news. You’ll lose him the way you gained him.
You suck big-time.
Grow up and don’t do something you don’t wish going true yourself .
You will never be his girl, hes married plus what do you think happends when you are his girl and he meets someone else .
You should think about his wife and go no contact.
He’s not trustworthy and in the end this will blow up in your face !
You and him are emotionally having an affair.
He sucks for cheating, that’s true, but what to do with him is your choice, his cheating is non of your business, but I wouldn’t get closer than this right now. Girl, life is short. if u r feeling good and great — do whatever u want, but if u r feeling bad making such decisions then don’t make ‘em.
I’d rather look for different options and would keep this one as something pleasant