Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 9 months now and are currently long distance (she’s in college i’m still a senior) and she still feels very insecure and cares about how she looks when snapping me or sending pictures so she barely sends me any pictures of her and i’ve tried asking her and talking to her about it and how i feel but i can’t find a way to tell her without sounding manipulative or making her feel bad that actually gets my point across
TL;DR how do i ask my girlfriend to be more comfortable and less i secure around me without sounding manipulative
1 comment
Hello OP,
First things first, let’s be honest. There’s probably more to the story but based off what you said: you’re seeking a way to change the way she feels about sending you photos so that she will send you photos…sir, that IS manipulation.
Not all “manipulation” is evil. For example, encouraging your friend to get outside for the first time in a while by telling them about a band that might be there, but oops the band isn’t there, oh well, now they’re outside and had to shower and get to talk to real life humans.
But in that example, the benefactor is THEM not you. That’s what makes it defendable. Boosting your gf’s self-esteem or levels of comfort primarily so that it benefits YOU in the form of pictures you desire is morally unjust.
Here’s the thing though, we are all humans, and can choose morally just or unjust things at any second so I’m not going to judge you. I just wanted to point out the actions (not your feelings, your plans/actions), and let you know you can choose to do something else: let her know you would love to see ANY photos she sends you. A smile, a picture of her dorm, a photo of her coffee, whatever it is. She already knows you would appreciate lewd photos, and if/when she feels like it, she’ll send some your way.
If not getting those photos are a dealbreaker for you, then break up with her. Otherwise, admit to yourself it’s not a deal-breaker and accept the lack of them.
Best wishes, OP