Ex. He was playing a vid game, and I was telling him about something, and he didn’t answer me after repeating it again so I knew he wasn’t listening, and so I jokingly whispered to my 5 year old, “I don’t think he’s listening” and he was like, what did you say?” And I repeated what I said in the first place and he said no, what you whispered, and I told him. And he said I was being conniving and “turning his children against him”. I said I was just kidding around and he was like, “it’s not kidding to her”. But I was literally just kidding when I said it, I even laughed when saying it. He used to always tell all of our kids I was a “mean mommy” jokingly when I would reprimand them. Why is it okay for him to do it, but not me…
11 comments
Your hubs sounds toxic af, i’d be exhausted having to walk on eggshells around him all day.
I shared your story with my wife. I always come to the conclusion that this starts happening when men treat their wife like their mom.
What an exhausting person to be married to. Seriously.
It’s very frustrating to speak to someone who isn’t listening.
My suggestion: don’t.
Tap him and ask for his attention. Only speak when he’s looking you in the eye. If he gets distracted while you’re speaking to him, stop mid sentence. Simply don’t try to compete for his attention.
> “turning his children against him”.
Valid concern.
You really should keep your quarrels away from your children.
I think you both need to leave your kids out of your fights.
You’re both turning them against both of you.
But I would say, make sure you have his attention and don’t randomly tell him things when he’s going something else.
How dare you try to talk to him when he is playing a video game?
How terrible are you to make a joke to his daughter about him ignoring his wife in front of his kids to play a video game?
There is no way I can make what he did sound rational. I hope the above two sentences show how ridiculous he is.
That said, he might try gaslight by saying the following:
Don’t you know how tired I am because of work, making money, or something?
I only get so much private time every day and you have no right to take away that private time.
Ignore this as it doesn’t justify the fundamental lack for respect and kindness. It’s funny how we forget we want a partner who is kind to us and to make life easier not harder!
Also..
The thing about the kid just makes no sense. Kids are smart and can learn humor and see from your face that you were not arguing.
I get where you are coming from. I can be a highly sensitive individual but I think the joke with your kid was harmless. Seems to me he needs to play less video games and pay attention to you while you are talking. Or on the other side just wait for a better time to tell him a story (like others have pointed out). There’s a time for games and a time for connection and communication. Also seems to me like he’s overreacting a little. We as humans have a tendency to do that but it’s apart of growth when we learn to have more tolerance’s for things.
Sounds to me like this is just apart of life and it’s process 🤷🏻♂️. Should always be willing to change for the better. Probably should have a conversation with him about why he’s been so easily irritated. It also I’m not in your household so take what I say with a grain of salt. 😁
Tbh I think it’s a little passive aggressive to make a joke like that. I’d be annoyed if my husband said that to our daughter, joking or not. That’s not good communication and it’s a little rude.
That said, your husband is absolutely being a jerk. Does he play games a lot?
Well maybe whilst playing he couldn’t also listen?
Maybe sometimes he might need to be not listening.
Whilst other times yes 100% have a conversation
This a dumb squabble. You guys need a family vaca.
You both should not be talking about each other to your kids. You are screwing up your children doing this. If you want to stay with him, get a marriage therapist so that you both can learn how to communicate with each other. Otherwise start the divorce process because continuing this will damage your kids.