I (28F) have been getting to know this guy (33M) for about a month. He’s very sweet and we get along great, like good friends. From when we first began talking he immediately opened up to me about his childhood trauma and has continued to share a lot of personal details with me, about him and others in his life, things I feel like maybe I shouldn’t know this soon. I don’t date a lot so maybe this is normal but I also wonder if this is some sort of red flag. I asked him if he is like this with everyone, very open and he said no he’s not, he just feels very comfortable with me and always has. That he’s told me things that even his closest friends and family don’t know. What should I think?
10 comments
I wouldn’t read anymore into it than what he’s told you. What reasons do you think that it might be a red flag?
Being up front is generally considered a green flag.
If he exhibits manipulative tendencies then it’s possible he’s hiding something that he thinks is big by sharing things that he fells are small
Most people don’t think that far ahead so Imma bet on no, it’s not a red flag.
Sometimes it is sometimes it isn’t.
Unfortunately a lot of guys dont get to talk about their problems with anyone else so now he’s seeing you he’s decided you are someone he can talk to about this – even if it’s just to get it off his chest.
If you don’t like it that or if he says anything that disturbs or upsets you that’s when it’s a red flag.
Poor guy though he make a connection with someone he could make a fortune with nope. Women use your fault against you . So shut up don’t say anything life lesson .
I mean, if you didn’t ask or indicate you want him to trauma dump on you like that, then yes that’s a red flag. It just means he’s using you as a bitch totem (when someone talks to you just to complain or vent or overshare when you didn’t ask).
If you did ask then I don’t see an issue, just make sure he also wants to listen to you and genuinely hear about you. There’s nothing wrong with being open to someone as long as it feels comfortable to/for you
Being open and honest is not a fed flag. Just because you’re uncomfortable with something doesn’t indicate something is wrong with him
This could be a manipulation tactic often used by abusive people to evoke sympathy. That being said, if other things about him line up and he is respectful etc. then maybe he really is just being open and honest, although at 33 it’s a little odd to be trauma dumping right away and is maybe a sign he never got the therapy he needs or needed. Someone saying they feel “comfortable with you” sometimes means they want you to feel comfortable so you will allow certain things you normally wouldn’t in a relationship. Hopefully this makes sense. I’ve been there too many times to not comment. Just tread carefully and use your intuition .. see if his actions match his words.
He’s trauma dumping for pity points.
He’s being upfront with you. He wants you to know what makes him tick. I always get anxious telling dates about my childhood trauma and my last abusive adult relationship. Sometimes I share things, sometimes I don’t. It just depends on the connection and how comfortable i feel with a person. It’s important for prospective lovers to know why I am the way I am. Sooner rather than later because otherwise we’d both be wasting each others time. I don’t give them major details right away, but I share a little bit of myself with them.
I think him telling you is a major green flag. Communication is so refreshing. however, if it’s makes you uncomfortable he might not be the guy for you. Good luck!
This is why guys don’t open up.