How did your life change after your first born?
How old were you and what was the state of your life before having your first baby?
What’s your story? Do you have any regrets about the timing of having your first born? Was it planned or an accident? How did you and your partner took it and handled it?
I am asking because I (27F) virgin who has lived a very stressful life most of my life, with not much life experiences..
spent most of my life at home, with almost no social life studying all day.. and only had 2 six months relationships.. my mom always told me to wait till marriage to do anything that I want to do, such as travelling with my partner, sleepovers etc.. this made me very lonely over time as most people wasn’t living that life still and didn’t want to date me.. or even befriend me as I had a different mindset
I am still studying and living with my mom.. and doesn’t have the freedom and money to do what I truly want.. like going out to parties, activities with friends etc..
I am naturally extroverted but I’ve been living a very introverted life for as far as I know.. this left me with mental health issues, no friends..
I haven’t lived the life that I wanted to live at all and has been so unhappy for the past 13 years.. I am finally graduating this semester.. and I met a gentleman (28M) a year ago who asked me to be his girlfriend about a month ago..
We’ve been together for 2 weeks and yesterday he expressed his desire to have kids in 1 year.. while I feel like I would need at least 5 years.. only because my body probably wouldn’t allow me to wait for 10 years.
He also would like to marry me first of course. But I am so tired from studying, switching careers and all that I do not mentally feel ready for kids at all. I want some time for my self and for us.. to rest, live life, find happiness, and better prepare to have kids.. before bringing them to the world.
If I have kids anytime soon, I feel like they will prevent me from finally living my life.. as they will constantly need me. And the fact that I never truly been happy in life makes me scared that I won’t know how to make them happy.
My partner on the other claims that he is always happy and has much more life experiences than me.. travelled around and had great life experiences with his friends and previous partners and lived his life much more than I did. Maybe that’s why he feels ready today.
Am I exaggerating? Are my worries valid?
What do you think I should do? Can anyone help me, please?
4 comments
It sounds like you are going to have major fear of missing out and retroactive jealousy if you marry your first.
Sounds like you want to experience hook up culture and living single first?
Life didn’t change too much for us.
I was 26, my husband was 30. We dated for 3 years before we were married.
We were married for a year and a half when our first son was born. We tried for about 8 months before I got pregnant.
As a teen I had fun, didn’t really get into much trouble, graduated, started community college, enjoyed college life, dated, had fun with friends, graduated college, started my career. Did the entire 21 thing, the bar scene, dating, fun with friends, new experiences, traveled..
Met my husband at 22.
I feel like I was ready to settle down when I met him. As soon as we were married we knew we both wanted kids.
I feel like because I had a lot of life experiences as a teen into a young adult and by the time I met my husband I was done with the bar scene and just wanted to settle down, by the time we had our baby it just seemed natural and just the obvious next thing. It just seemed to come easy for us.
I agree with the other person. I definitely think you need to establish yourself as a person before committing to someone forever. Once you are done with school & working you will have some money to do more things & it may open you up to more experiences in life.
Did you want to be a mother at all? Just want you to know you have the choice. Do you want to marry this guys really?
Are you sure you want to be a mom at all? Also, it seems weird that this man is expecting you to bear his children in a year when you’ve only be dating two weeks.