You know how people often say “perfect is the enemy of good”? How striving for perfection will paralyze you and prevent you from just doing a good thing. I think I do that with people.
I don’t know if I could confidently say that I have a close friend and today I scrolled my contacts and wondered why. Every person I had an excuse for why I don’t want to attempt to get closer to them: “This person never has anything to say”, “I don’t agree with some of this person’s values”, “I don’t like the way this person socializes”, “This guy comes off as too much of a ‘dude-bro’ and it makes me not want to get close to him”.
Yet here I am, recently graduated and lonely as I ever have been. Am I crazy? Am I an asshole? Am I being right by being cautious and just need to find the right people?
2 comments
Sounds like you’re being a bit too judgemental. I do it too sometimes. Give some people more of a chance. A lot of people aren’t what they seem once you get to know them.
They don’t have to become your best friend, but they could become an acquaintance or friend which will lead to meeting more people.
I think you are being a touch judgemental, but also “just graduated” is a very lonely time for most people. There’s a lot going on – new locations, new jobs, new routines, and so on – and it means most people have no energy left to socialize. A lot of people kind of winnow down their friend list around this time, distancing themselves from people they were friends with by circumstance/location but who they don’t actually like.
Some people even go through a whole identity change/crisis as they transition from student/child to independent adult. Keep an eye on the people you kind of liked and see where they end up in a little while, they may surprise you (good or bad!).
Reaching out to people now or in the near future will have a big positive impact on them, even if it’s just a quick “Hey! How are you settling in?” It tells them they’re somewhere on your list of priorities and that’ll give them the warm fuzzies.
Here’s a simple way to figure out who to text that to: Would making them happy make you happy? If yes, send that text!
And if there’s truly no one on that list that would apply to, maybe it’s time to self-assess and figure out if it’s you being too harsh or if you were just in the wrong place/around the wrong people. Both things can happen sometimes, and that’s okay.