This post is a bit different this time around. If you’re married/in a relationship or been in the dating game for a while, what are some of the lessons you’ve learned and how did you learn them (as in what events took place ) . I’m very interested in what you all have to share 🙂
I’m a younger guy M19 and dating is of no interest to me at the moment however, one day I would like to build a family and I have to make sure I build it with the right person. So when it’s time for me to start building a relationship with someone I know exactly what I need to do and be prepared.
Tldr: post is short anyway
3 comments
First off, I F31, have been dating since I was 15. Three 3-5 year long relationships and a few lessons in between. I’m currently in a four year relationship.
The red flags in the beginning are usually the reasons you break up in the end. I think that speaks for itself.
Hurt people, hurt people. You don’t wanna be that person who begins an endless cycle because you didn’t heal from a past trauma or what not. Yeah, people aren’t perfect and most people have trauma and perfectly good reasons to be cautious, but it’s important to be self aware of our triggers. So that we do not project onto others. Also on the flip side, it’s important to learn to identify those toxic behaviors in others and not allow them to suck you into that cycle.
I’ve felt that I’ve run into the same relationship problems over and over again. At some point I had to take a step back and look at myself and ask where all of this is coming from…and really dig deep. I realized I kept running into the same problem because I never learned my lesson. Even though it felt like I wasted a bunch of time, it of course was a learning experience when I looked back and analyzed everything. I was so caught up in my emotions that I didn’t stop and think about what those experiences were trying to teach me about myself.
Bottom line: take time to get to know yourself. What are your triggers? What makes you happy? What fulfills you? etc. When you know what you want and what you DONT want for your life, decisions become easier.
Be kind, it’s not worth being petty and vengeful. You’ll sleep better at night.
Sometimes, things just don’t work out because of timing. You could have the perfect connection with somebody, but it likely wont work unless you’re together in the same part of the world at the same time.
Breaking up is good most of the time. There’s always a reason you broke up. Breaking up based on an emotional response, is bad.
Sometimes things can get worked out. With so many options in the world, I feel like people give up on good relationships…but I also feel like way too many people stay in really shitty relationships. Finding that balance is part of growing up and gaining experience.
Age is just a number, but experience has ultimate value. Your confidence directly stems from your experience. If you know whats coming, and you know how to deal with it…you wont be worried or passive. That comes from reps/practice/experience. So its in your best interest to put yourself in various situations so you can learn and gain experience.
As far as finding the life partner, this is different for everybody. Its good to just get a lot of things out of your system when you’re young, so you’re not a 40 year old man trying to re-live what you missed out on during your 20s. Travel a lot. That is the shit that will make life really interesting. Date a lot. Break up a lot. Just be safe and live life.
But eventually, when you find somebody that makes you a better person and you feel like you can’t live without…dont let go.
If you are in a committed relationship, don’t do something that you wouldn’t do if your partner was right next to you. You’ll never have to lie, hide things, or keep a story straight. That doesn’t mean your partner will like everything you do, but if you’re willing to do it, be willing to explain your actions and stand by your decisions. If your partner is able to convince you that you’re wrong, be prepared to apologize.