Hello guys. Should be the final update, it’s rather long so my apologies.
As someone suggested in my previous update I spoke to my brothers gf about what I wrote about in it. She wasn’t pleased but we agreed no need to tell brother (although later my sister actually told him herself)
Sat evening me and my sister came over to theirs to have dinner. I was pretty nervous about how it was going to go but I think after reading all your comments I was pretty prepared for it. Once we’d got settled gf asked my sister if she could talk to her for a min. Gf talked to her about sex, how it should be, safety, relationships that sort of thing. I wasn’t there for it as thought sister would be more inclined to be open if there wasn’t a blood relative sitting there staring. Gf came out and got my brother and he went in there for a bit. Once I was just me outside I eavesdropped a bit and heard a lot of tears.
It seemed my sister was already aware how it was a weird relationship and wasn’t entirely happy but was too embarrassed to admit that the first boyfriend she’d managed to get and bragged about had turned out to be so horrible. At this point I went in saw my sister crying in my brothers arms. She couldn’t seem to stop, I’m guessing all the stuff she was bottling up about this whole ordeal was finally coming out now she had someone to speak to. My brother also looked like he was crying a little. Turns out what sister had told me about their previous encounter wasn’t completely accurate, whilst it was true it was just oral, supposedly he had been much rougher than she told me & called her nasty names but she’s adamant it wasn’t rape. My brother looked really uncomfortable as she was talking about it which I can’t really blame him for. It must be absolutely horrible hearing your little sister speak about experiencing that. By this point it was obvious he was crying but my sister couldn’t see as she still had her face buried on his chest. His gf looked pretty sad too. My brother was rubbing her back and telling her it’s ok and that he wants her to feel free to talk to him anytime about Anything. His gf still thinks hes beating himself up about his perceived failings and I can’t imagine the new news is going to do him many favours in his head. At this point sister seemed to be aware of his tears and sat up and they hugged for what felt like ages.
I reassured my sister that everyone comes across bad boyfriends at some point in their life and it’s nothing to be ashamed about.
We talked a bit more. She said she was glad she could end it with the weirdo without feeling embarrassed and never wants to see him again. She said she wishes she could just forget the whole ordeal. She admitted to gf in their earlier discussion that it wasn’t like an age fetish thing, he just made her feel special for once, which I’ve read is a common tactic of these creeps. We talked a bit more but since it was Saturday I can’t remember anymore specifics than I’ve already mentioned.
After we were done chatting I went out onto the balcony to smoke and when I came back brother and sister were on the sofa watching a film and gf was cooking. She was curled up with her head on his chest and appeared to be happy. I’m hoping she was feeling the feeling I had the other week of being loved like we were children again. At one point she texted the creep that she didn’t want to see him again etc. at first he started texting almost begging but then it turned to quiet nasty words and threats. He started calling and calling. Eventually my brother answered and stepped onto the balcony with her phone. I don’t know what was said but i heard some shouting and I can’t imagine he was very friendly.
We spent the rest of the evening relaxing and watching films gf sat there playing with my brothers hair and I don’t think sister moved from practically ontop of my brother for the whole evening. She started crying a bit later and he just held her and rubbed her back. Could tell my brother was still not feeling great about the whole thing. I think he blames himself for my sister ending up in the situation she did. Even now (5 days later) I can tell it’s still bothering him but he tries to hide it. He’s just not very good at it lol. Not sure what I can do to reassure him about this. We’re both still staying round here and will do for the foreseeable future, maybe permanently, unfortunately the creep knows where we live and they don’t want us going back there atm. The creep still texts and tries to call her. She has some stuff at his house that she needs to collect when he’s back from a business trip. My brother doesn’t want her to go and Is sending some friends i mentioned previously in her place. I don’t know exactly what he said to them but I think the creep is going to have a nasty shock when he opens the door expecting to see my poor little sister and is greeted by a couple of lean, mean looking 25 year olds. What they’ll do to him I don’t know, honestly I don’t care.
Apologies for the length of this post but wanted to give you guys some closure. I can’t thank you guys enough for all the amazing advice you gave me. Honestly couldn’t have got through this without you. Hopefully this is the start of a new chapter in our lives.
9 comments
I’m glad that everything is out in the open. Your brother isn’t to blame at all. These POS target young women. There’s nothing he could have done to prevent it from happening. Your sister needs to block him everywhere. A Police escort will be better to have there than just his friends. You are so right that many men and women have had at least one bad SO.
I’m glad you guys told your brother and I am super happy your sister ended things with him! Good luck for all of your family!
I am so disgusted by these grown ass men who take advantage of young women. I see posts about this regularly. Jesus, pisses me off! Your bro is not responsible, nor is your sister. It is the predatory creep’s fault.
>unfortunately the creep knows where we live and they don’t want us going back there atm. The creep still texts and tries to call her.
Time to look into a restraining order.
Its fine to send someone else to collect her stuff but you really don’t want an assault or conspiracy charge coming in your direction, so I suggest you just give strict instructions they are just to collect her stuff and leave without causing any trouble.
i’m glad that things ended up well! that creep is seriously a bastard, and your sister is lucky to have such a good supporting system and family.
hopefully the creep will become just a bad memory soon. best of luck to all of your family!
I am so so sorry for everything y’all have been through. But this is the best possible outcome IMO. I was so scared talking to her would push her further into her relationship. The whole oral incident is horrible, but maybe the bright side is she was able to see what a creep that guy is.
I hope your brother can realize he didn’t fail you guys. If he had you wouldn’t be where you guys are right now, or even having talked to him like that. You guys are lucky to have each other. I hope everyone can heal and move past. Good luck. You did the right thing.
Your brother is a good brother, a good father figure, and a great man. He does not need to feel like he failed her in any way, everyone is vulnerable to creepy bastards acting in wildly inappropriate ways because we always expect people to behave normally. When someone behaves abnormally a common response is to freeze, or try to rationalize it away. **Everyone** is vulnerable to this to some degree, no matter how they were raised or how much support they have. There’s no such thing as Asshole-Proofing a kid no matter how carefully you raise them or how much support you give; all you can do is make sure they feel like you’re a safe person for them to talk to when things go bad, and your brother has done that. I know he doesn’t feel like he did because he didn’t find out about this right away, but after this guy assaulted her she trusted your brother with details she didn’t tell anyone else. That shows she knows he is a safe person who can protect her, and that’s all a dad can ask for. He’s doing a great job.
His girlfriend is a wonderful person too. And you especially deserve recognition. There was a period when you were completely alone in knowing about this delicate and dangerous situation and you had to navigate it all by yourself and come up with the best course of action, and you succeeded. You handled this **exactly** right, from involving the clearly trustworthy and considerate GF to help you break the news to your brother, all the way to helping your brother handle this himself. You’ve been there for your sister **and** your brother in a big way throughout this situation.
You, your brother, and his girlfriend should all be proud of yourselves. The three of you have handled this with so much thoughtful maturity it’s hard to believe you’re all as young as you are. Your sister too, for that matter. This had to be incredibly hard for her to talk about, but when this guy crossed a line she knew she had safe people to tell and knew that she had to tell them.
All four of you kids are doing great despite not having any help from the adults in your lives. You dad missed out on an amazing family, and if it’s worth anything coming from some random dad you don’t know over the internet I just want to say this: I’m incredibly proud of all four of you.
I hope those lads give him the fright he needs.