I feel like what i do for my husband is not what he does for me.
If he is sick i get him chicken soup, some meds, stuff to drink like gatorade to hydrate his body etc
Ive been sick and i had to go to the store myself while he was at work to get stuff.
He brought me home chocolate cause he said he likes it for a sore throat so the thought wasn’t unnoticed and i said thank you. But im back in the car again now cause he never thought to get me cough medicine or anything.
Im kinda mad at that and im not sure if im being unreasonable.
4 comments
It’s important to communicate these things. It’s unrealistic when the expectation doesn’t go beyond your own thoughts. Expectation is a killer because without words it will always disappoint.
Tell him you need cough medicine. Articulate those needs. Say them out loud. “Can you please bring me some medicine home?” That’s it. If he refuses, that’s one thing, but your behaviors and actions are not intuitive for everyone else.
Just because you do it without him asking, that doesn’t mean he will do it without *you* asking.
Women are normally the nurtures in the relationship. But if your newly married it good to have a conversation about what to do when the other is sick, been in an accident or has surgery.
Maybe he needs a medication and grocery list next time.
First off, let me confirm that, yes it’s true that your husband does not copy your way of taking care of him and it’s not unrealistic to expect care if you are sick. That’s actually a need – to be taken care of. But know that “taking care” of a sick person looks different to other people from time to time. (Especially men)
I remember a thing that a friend told me about how people express love and affection: “How someone treats you is a reflection of them and how they would’ve wanted to be treated”
You two are speaking on different languages when it comes to expression. He expresses through chocolates and you express through practical care.
Like what others said, communication is the key. I know it’s hard to always tell people exactly how you want to be treated and it feels like they’re not doing it out of their on volition but it helps the relationship a lot.
Better if you can explain how you can feel loved and taken care of so he can put a personal touch on his actions based on how you want to receive your affection.
Some men are dense or have limited knowledge about how high a woman’s pain tolerance could be. I think he might be assuming that you telling him that you’re sick just feels like a bit of a bad morning because he can see that you can still walk and do chores.
Most men aren’t very thinking and in tune of women being sick. My dad never was. Hes a hopeless boob. I sent him and fiance to store after I had knee surgery. Dad loses the shopper card in the store turned trip to a fiasco lol. I can text my husband what I need or tell him before he goes he’ll get it right. I was stuck in bathroom at my grandmas waiting for dad to go buy me menstrual pads. A wonder he got right ones not diapers lol. 99% of men are boobs with that stuff. My husband just happens to be more caring and in tune than most men. Women are by God’s design are nurturing. Men are providers etc. Maybe over time your hubby will get better. He tred but didn’t know what you needed. Text him a list. Men usually aren’t practical. Dad did things to cheer mom up or ahat he thought was funny etc chewed his ass out every time which after awhile shuts someone down