Married for 27 years. Neither of us cheated. I am immune compromised and have health issues. Had growth on my penis and it turns out to be HPV 16.
Reading online, I worry what our sex life will/can be now. I know that she is too old for vaccine. Websites say that HPV can be passed through skin to skin contact even if wearing a condom. Beyond hand jobs for the rest of my life, can we have oral sex or intercourse? What is reasonable? I don’t want to give her cancer/HPV but am not ready to stop having sex.
Thoughts?
2 comments
hpv is very common, especially for people in our age group. i have heard that the only reason the vaccine isn’t given to older women is because someone decided we don’t have enough sex to be at risk. 🧐 not sure how true that is, but it seems like it’s certainly worth her asking about getting the vaccine even though she’s “too old.”
either way, hpv is a lot like hsv, in that it’s so much more common than people think, many of us probably have it or have had it, and for most of us, it’s asymptomatic.
the “good news” about hpv 16 is that even though it’s one of the high risk strains, it’s still pretty rare that it leads to cancer. i would suggest that both of you talk to your doctor(s) about the risks, and what you both may be able to do to mitigate those risks.
i know that hpv is often symptomatic (which is why many of us have no idea that we have had it) and will clear up in its own with time. i don’t know if that’s also true when there are symptoms, but i would think so? definitely talk to your doctor about that, and any possible treatment (if you haven’t already). stds are generally treatable.
the hpv vaccines are given at an early age because they only have an effect if administered before infection with the viruses they’re meant to protect against. the vaccine is not therapeutic (it doesn’t fight an existing infection), it’s prophylactic (it prepares the body to fight a potential infection).
additionally hpv is a virus that may lie dormant for years after infection, this is true for all its strains. it means its impossible to tell who got it or when they got it. it could be you or your wife.
these facts combined makes a vaccine now, after so many years, unable to protect against the strain you’ve already got.