im a male teenager
throughout my life, i’ve always messed up social interaction
these past few years, i’ve finally become self conscious. so basically, I’m very sure that whatever i’ve been doing throughout my life has been damaging to myself (reputation, mental health) without me knowing. I don’t have any disabilities or anything, so I just don’t understand how i ruin the mood so quickly. I think i’m starting to enjoy making my friends mad or frustrated with me, but i don’t really feel unsatisfied or unhappy with myself so I don’t understand why. How should I improve my social skills?my main problems:
can’t read the room
misunderstood as can’t keep secrets (i can keep them as long as you tell me it’s a secret mfs)
i think i’m afraid of being seen as weak, so i reply to compliments with something mean, so everyone just assumes i’m someone who spouts empty threats.
I also think I have some self esteem problems
(basically half of the people i know probably need therapy so don’t tell me to get therapy, plus i don’t wanna)
so basically, i have the worst social skills in my whole friend group. i suck at talking to even my female friends and mess up every single conversation. cant really change their view on me, first impressions have been long over, cast in iron.
whenever i ask my friends to repeat something because i didn’t hear them clearly (i had an ear infection a few years back and i still can’t hear that well), they look at me like i’m stupid because i need them to explain things to me twice. when I don’t understand something, and ask them to explain a bit further, they get angry at me. I’m not sure if i’m in the wrong here or not.
2 comments
Is it you that is being rude, are your friends being rude or do you just have a toxic dynamic going on? A friend on Reddit told me about the George Constanza approach: when stuck, do the opposite. How about you engage with new people through a hobby or volunteering without talking down on yourself so much? Never have I ever met a teenager who wasn’t awkward.
See, not everyone benefits from therapy’s approach; I surely do not. Therefore, I do the opposite, by changing my situation or environment in order to allow my feelings to adapt. If you put yourself out there and challenge yourself to an unfamiliar situation, you’ll have to learn, adapt and overcome, giving you valuable social experience to use in all sorts of dynamics. It’s not a fun answer, but personal growth usually doesn’t happen when you don’t challenge yourself.
Hey there,
Obviously I’m no professional, so take what I say with a grain of salt. But here’s a few things that have helped me:
– Give out positive energy and people will want to stick to you like flies. Sometimes when you feel like crap you want other people to share its existence, but forget others might not necessarily feel the same way as you. If someone is constantly negative and always complaining, people tend to shy away.
– Compliment people and mean it. Talk about things that make you feel grateful to be alive. Had a meh day? Remember the good parts as well as the bad. People also take a risk when they compliment you – so don’t backhand the compliment! Say thanks or make a joke about it if you’re uncomfortable accepting it.
– Respect yourself and remember you matter too. If you feel that your friends are getting aggravated with you often, speak out about it. Not in an accusing way or condescending way but a “Are you doing alright? You seem a bit frustrated?” way. Sometimes confronting things in a way that says you’re concerned can actually disarm people into treating you better. Though if this is a regular, ongoing thing with a particular person, you may want to either confront this or (if it’s super disrespectful), maybe even just stop hanging out with that person.
– Everyone has a different level of social skills. It doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else. Awkward silences happen; not everyone gets along with everyone. The important thing is that you’re putting the effort into making other people feel valued, liked, and comfortable.
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I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time and hope things start to look up more for you soon. All the best.