My family dog of 16 years, let’s call him Bailey had a sudden stroke on Sunday evening/night and needs to be euthanized. My father who Bailey lived with following his divorce with my mother took Bailey to the vet once he noticed something was off with him on Monday morning.
The vet recommended euthanasia and told my dad that she could do it right there and then, my dad asked for one more day with Bailey to say goodbye and also to have us siblings and our mom (his ex wife) come and say goodbye. The vet said that that’s fine.
When my girlfriend comes home from work I tell her the news.
She didn’t ask any questions about the situation, like if our dog is in pain or what the vet said or even how I’m feeling. Instead she stands up and immediately goes on an angry tear about how she can’t understand pet owners who don’t immediately euthanize their pets once they’re too sick to keep living.
The fact is, that the vet said that Bailey is not in a significant amout of pain, he’s however pretty out of it and his motor skills are diminished following the stroke plus he has some arthritis and his eyesight is almost gone so his quality of life is very low moving forward. She however didn’t give me a second to explain anything, instead she treated this like an excuse for her to get triggered and throw out criticism.
Last year her bunny had to be euthanized because of an infection. She was a wreck when it happened and cried on a semi weekly basis about it for more than 6 months. I tried my best to support her through the loss and just let her talk it out and cry it out. A few months later her grandfather had a stroke and I tried to support her through that.
Midway through her triggered tangent I told her that I don’t need this right now and asked her to leave the room. I told her that she of all people should know how painful it is to lose a pet and she doesn’t know anything about the situation yet, she said she does know because she went through this also with a family dog when she was a kid. She then said it was not nice of me to ask her to leave her own living room and left.
Her mother has been sick for the past few months and I’ve been helping drive her to rehabilitation and to apply for disability and my GF has been very vocal about how appreciative she is of this. However when the tables have turned and I’m in the sad vulnerable situation she’s cold as a rock.
I now have a sleepless night in front of me on the living room couch, about to go euthanize Bailey in a few hours and I’m left with the feeling that I’ve made a huge mistake going into this relationship if this is how she reacts when I need support.
After the amount of support I’ve given her following her bunnies passing, her mothers illness, her grandfather’s illness and her grandmother’s passing a year ago I would have thought she’d at least give me the night to feel sad and not made the whole situation about her right away.
Following this I’ve started to reevaluate our relationship and question her ability to empathize with other people. I’m afraid this situation has completely revealed her.
I’m now worried that if I get sick or my family member dies she’s not going to be there to support in the long haul. So what’s the point of sticking around?
TLDR: My family dog needs to be euthanized and my girlfriend is completely unsympathetic and unsupportive, instead of listening or offering a hug she went on a triggered tear about how sick dogs need to be euthanized right away. In the last year her bunny was euthanized, her mother and grandfather fell ill and her grandmother died and I’ve been there to support her through that. Her unwillingness to do the same for me has me doubting her character and the relationship.
12 comments
I wouldn’t stay with someone who lacks empathy. That’s a huge character flaw in my opinion.
I’m so sorry to hear about your family dog and the loss you’re about to endure. It’s understandable that you’re feeling a mix of emotions and disappointment with your girlfriend’s lack of empathy during this difficult time. From what you’ve described, it seems like your girlfriend has a pattern of being emotionally distant or self-focused in times of crisis or sadness. This is not a healthy dynamic in a relationship and can be incredibly hurtful to the person who is going through a tough time. It’s clear that she did not show any level of understanding or empathy towards your situation. It’s also concerning that she immediately went on an angry tangent and disregarded your feelings entirely. This shows a lack of emotional intelligence and an inability to put herself in your shoes.
You’re right to question her ability to empathize with others and this situation has likely revealed a lot about her. It’s important to consider whether this relationship is meeting your emotional needs and if it’s worth continuing in the long term. In my humble opinion, you should break up with her.
Some people don’t realize when you lost pet how it’s hurt especially after 16 years 🙏🐕
I don’t know that it’s a lack of empathy as much as an inability to shut her mouth.
I’m on team “no long goodbyes” when it comes to euthanizing pets. But this wasn’t her pet, it’s only a night, and this would have been a perfect spot to remain silent on the subject.
Honestly, just break up with her.
I will admit that was a terrible way to react. She genuinely owes you one huge apology. That said, I won’t quite go as far as to call this immediate break up material. A lot of good people simply have never had to be the supportive one. It isnt that they don’t want to be or can’t. It’s just needing to learn when you need it.
After a day or two ask her how she really feels about how she treated you knowing now how much you were hurting and see what she says. If she shows real remorse, this may be a learning moment for her and help bring you closer in the long run. If she still doesn’t get it….. well it’s probably time to leave.
I would see how she reacts when you talk to her again. She might calm down and apologize. If she doesn’t want to hear about how you feel then that’s a major indicator she does not care about your feelings.
It’s hard to say without knowing her personally (she could be a total, raging jerk) but I’m kinda wondering if her rant was really aimed towards herself and not you. She might be feeling a lot of guilt about what her rabbit or relatives suffered before death and she’s having a difficult time facing the reality that pain is an inevitable part of life.
But that’s if I’m being nice. I don’t know her.
My Ex had to put his family dog down while we were together. I bawled so hard and I only knew her for a couple years prior. I don’t understand how people don’t have empathy.
It sounds like she empathized with your dog instantly rather than you, which I sort of get I suppose? I don’t understand couples who immediately argue when they don’t feel validated, wouldn’t it make more sense to talk about it in a calm manner? I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean it like that, and if she did then yeah, maybe not the right partner for you.
I’m very sorry for your loss though, losing a beloved pet is heartbreaking and I hope you’re okay 🙁
It’s definitely possible that this is just who she is. It is also possible though that this triggered the trauma for her bunny where she feels she made the hard but “right” choice to instantly put the bunny down and this is a projection of that.
Talk about it when things calm down. Be with your family. Enjoy your last day with Bailey. Sorry bro.
I’m not a knee jerk break up with them person. But if I were you, this would be a very serious conversation about her inappropriate and cold reaction to a very upsetting situation in your life. Gauge her reaction and then go from there. But I find her pretty disgusting from this read, tbh