OK So I am a bisexual female. Married to a man, with kids.
Since kids my sex drive hasn’t been huge. But the past year or two it’s got to the point where I have zero interest almost all of the month. Until I am on my last day or so of my period and then boom! It’s back, for 2-3 days max! The rest of the month I literally find no-one attractive, and have no interest in sex with my husband, to the point where I actively don’t want him to touch me. But when I do have a sex drive, it’s the opposite! So it’s not an issue with my relationship, it’s just hormonal. I am on the pill but this pattern started when I wasn’t on any form of contraception so pretty sure the pill hasn’t caused it.
Has anyone else experienced this? What can I do? My husband says I should masturbate even when I don’t want to – and that might help, but I just have no motivation to do this. Life is really busy at the moment – kids, full time PhD, part time running a business. So when I’m not interested, I really do not feel like using my little free time on that!
Any advice, or anyone else had this?! Thanks!
4 comments
I would read the book “Come as you are” together and see if any of that resonates in terms of drive and arousal. On the other hand, it seems like you’re burning the candle at both ends. So hopefully there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Progesterone is likely a big part of the answer. High progesterone levels are linked to PMS and are known for being libido suppressing as well. Your progesterone levels are at their lowest after menstruation.
Progesterone thickens the lining and works to prevent uterine contractions during pregnancy. (Many women who use bc with progesterone report lower libido and less intense orgasms.)
My advice would be just take advantage of those days, and make sure to communicate both your needs. If it’s something you want it will hopefully come back, but if it’s just to be able to satisfy his needs their are other ways to be intimate.
This is a common pattern for many women and is often due to changes in hormonal levels. To increase sex drive, try the following:
Exercise regularly to boost testosterone levels, which play a role in sexual desire.
Reduce stress through activities such as yoga, meditation or deep breathing.
Maintain a healthy diet and avoid alcohol, as it can lower libido.
Consider talking to your doctor about hormonal birth control options, which can regulate hormonal levels and improve sex drive.
Try sexual enhancing products like lubricants and arousal gels.
Try new sexual experiences or add novelty to your routine.
If the problem persists, it’s important to speak with a healthcare provider to rule out any underlying health conditions.