Men of Reddit, what are some reasons you might not commit to making concrete plans with a love interest?

17 comments

1. Sick…

2. If I make plans with somebody, I stick to them to the best of my ability. If you’re dealing with somebody who isn’t committed to plans with you, it’s because they don’t respect you, don’t respect your time, and because you’re their backup option. Leave those people in 2022.

3. Simple. Something(s) is making you not be 100% sure about that person.

4. In the USA there is no upside, the laws are written against men.

5. Women can meet new guys 100x easier than a guy could meet new women. So it’s pretty difficult to take her seriously when she can afford to reject me for any trivial reason. Especially if she hasn’t really shown any genuine interest.

6. Sometimes it’s just more trouble than it’s worth.

7. I wouldn’t commit if I was either busy that day, or just not that into/sure about her.

8. He’s not serious. Concrete plans are for main interest, tentative plans are for sidechicks

9. Fear. Some men are generally afraid of latching on to one woman because maybe there’s a gooder-er one right around the corner. Not fear of commitment as much as a sexual FOMO.

10. If you’re talking about marriage there’s a very good scene in a book I read that explains it.(note that this was a mystery novel and not some psych book)

    Two people are interrogating a woman who was one of only two surviving victims of a murder(the other being one of the interrogators) she said she and her husband were actors hired to play parts in a sort of prank, she then begins to break down and sob about how they were tricked an her husband was actually killed. One of the interrogators(the one who was there) is about to try an comfort her when the other just snaps and demands she cut the waterworks. The first one then makes a note of how she immediately goes from broken down to stone faced to the point where he would’ve thought he imagined it if her cheeks hadn’t been wet.

    When he asks the woman about it later she says “never let yourself fall in love with an actress, you’ll never know where her characters end and she begins”.

    We aren’t afraid of commitment, we just don’t want to find out the woman we swear to spend our life with is a completely different person than the one we fell in love with.

    If it’s just dates or vacations; it’s because our bosses are assholes that’ll dump extra work on us at the last second.

11. Work is really shitty (that week).

12. I don’t know if I’ll have the weekend off until Wednesday at the earliest. Customer demands, broken machines, excessive call-offs, supplier issues…etc. lots of things can cause us to have to put in overtime. Making concrete plans just isn’t practical when i don’t know if I’ll be able to follow through.

13. Do you mean short term plans like a date? It might be so that I got sick, something came up, I forgot about it, or I’m not in the mood for it now.

    Long term plans? Because the future is uncertain and I don’t want to make commitments based on the present state. Just because I feel like it now doesn’t mean I’ll feel like it in a few months/years.

14. Simply when my SO slowly downgrades
    Herself thru her actions …

15. If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll make time.

    Everybody gets busy, but if they constantly hem and haw about plans, you’re not their number one priority.

16. Because you can like someones personality, find them physically attractive, enjoy having sex with them but in your heart of heart – you’d rather play Xbox with your free time then come up with some B.S. activity you don’t really like that much because you have to impress her or she doesn’t just like doing the things you do. So you opt to commit to a course of action until you’re certain you’ll be in the mood to do something you don’t really want to do but think you should do.

17. Define concrete plans. I separate those from commitment. I’ll plan all day as long as I’m not committing to anything.

    Why won’t I commit to anything? Because women aren’t accountable for holding up their end. I find that partnerships work best on an even field…. And in this day and age that means both people can walk away…. So both people need to treat each other as if they can walk away. That way there are always limits to what one may demand or inflict.

    Edit add: I would like to stress that nothing she does affects this. This is caused by seeing women not be held accountable by others… It doesn’t come from experiencing women as being bad. All humans are just only as trustworthy as they are accountable and society does women a disservice by not doing so for them.