Cold approach

Hi all, this is going to be quit a long post, however if you are interested in cold approach we can share some stories and tips and maybe my experience can be useful to you. First of all, I want to share a brief overview of myself so you understand my background, I’m a 27M latino living in Europe, I can define myself as average looking (some girls say I’m hot, others say I’m not so quite average), I cannot complain about my sex and love life because I’ve had 7 girlfriends and various one night stands, in fact the last ONS I had was 2 months ago and after it, we started dating but it was a very toxic relationship (yes I know, kinda stupid to date a ONS but I did it), anyway, I cannot complain about my sex and love life. Despite this, I’ve been interested in cold approach for around 2 years but I only started to do it just 2 weeks ago, before that, I only did 1 cold approach in my life and it went well but after that never again, all my hookups/girlfriends have been colleagues or friends of friends. I’ve been following some youtubers (for those interested e.g., A.G Hayden, Playing Fire, Todd V) so let´s say that I know a bit of theory but zero practice until 2 weeks ago. Since I started being interested in cold approach, I never, never did an actual approach, I went out around 20 times literally without doing any approach, just making excuses like “she is not hot enough” or “she has a boyfriend” or whatever silly excuse. Even at parties there were days that I didn´t approach because I was scare as shit , I only did it when I was drunk and I wanted to change that. After my last ONS/toxic relationship I decided that enough was enough, it ended up late december and I did my first approach 15 days ago. I decided to start doing this because as I mentioned, I cannot complain about my sex life but I want to be totally confident to be able to approach any girl that I like whenever I want so that’s why I started doing this just with very hot girls (8.5-9s, haven’t met the first 10 yet) because if you are going to do something that makes you uncomfortable at least do it with something that is 100% worth it. The first cold approach I did it after almost 2 hours of being on the street looking for the “perfect” opportunity but I was not doing it, I was going home thinking that once again I went out without being able of doing something until I saw a hot blonde alone (she was a 8.5) in the street, I saw her but kept walking without approaching, I walked around 2 blocks and think to myself “even if I shit the bed I will say something” so I went back and did my first cold approach. I don’t speak the language of the country where I live so I asked before if she speaks english) she said yes so I opened with a regular indirect opener (I saw you and I just wanted to let you know that I like your outfit), she responded with a smile on her face saying “oh thank you” and then I started the conversation. I was scared as shit for the first 3 seconds but after that, I felt completely relaxed and just continue the conversation. To my surprise, she was waiting for a friend and she was late, so I went on an instant date with her. We were together around 1 hour and then she had to go to meet her friend so she left. In my rookie opinion, it was a very solid approach (we had a date) but I couldn’t generate enough attraction, basically I gave her confort but I was not flirty enough so as a first exercise it was good, small win but still a long way to go.

One week after, I had my second date, I cannot say this was a cold approach itself because it was with a colleague but we just met and we had a date 2 days after. As it was more like a warm a approach I was very confident, she was very into me, it went very well but I was not interested so I´m not giving much details on that.

Last Friday, I had my third (or real second) cold approach and this was the most epic approach/date I have ever had in my life…. but I shit the bed at the end so no sex, still huge win. I went alone to a meetup, I met 2 guys and we were chatting very normally, I did 2 warmups, one with a girl that was very rude and left and another one with an average/hot italian, this could be considered a cold approach but I didn’t care so I just opened and talked very friendly without flirting. After this, I saw a very hot girl (9 or even 9.5 to my taste) talking with a guy and I knew that this was my approach, I tried to go in front of her to make visual contact but it was not possible but anyway, I approached her from the back (yes, normally not recommended but still I did), touched very gentle her arm and as I knew that she speaks english I went with direct opener “Hey, I just saw you and I thought that you look amazing tonight so I wanted to say hi”. Her first response was neutral saying the usual “oh thank you”, I proceeded to make small talk with her and the guy she was talking with. We spoke the 3 of us around 3 minutes but all the time I had my confidence very high, so my non verbal communication was very strong, deep eye contact, masculine voice and relaxed vibe. After 10-15 minutes of talking the other dude was completely out of the conversation, it was just between her and me, he tried to enter the conversation a lot of times, and every time he tried, I just took 2 steps to the side and very slowly she followed me so I knew she was on it. During this set I used a lot of push-pull, negs and I made her qualify for me a lot by just saying “I like fun girls, are you fun enough?” or “what would your friends tell me about you” or stuff like that. This was like gold, because every time I did this, she qualified more and more, also I gave her “rewards” when she did things I liked so I extended my hand as “hi 5” but ended up touching her hand very gently. After 40-50 minutes, I gave her my phone without saying anything and she typed her phone on mine, and 15 minutes after I tried the first pull, she said “I’m not sure” then continued the conversation very relaxed, 10 minutes after went again for the pull and she said YES. Literally I was walking out of the event with the hottest chick of the evening, the guys that I just met told me “dude you are a God how did you do that” and inside my mind I was “I don’t fucking know hahaha”. So far, everything was perfect but I shit the bed, long story short, I stop escalating accordingly, I invited her to my place without even kissing her or putting sex on the table, she said yes (which shows she was really attracted) but literally when we arrived to my place she said that she was not comfortable and that it was better to go to another place.

Just to finish, my initial conclusions of these 2 short weeks is that the inner game is 80% of this fucking cold approach thing and that you don’t need alcohol to actually try it, push pull are a very powerful tool, making her qualify to you is pure gold, nonverbal communication is going to do 90% of your job and this comfort + attraction = compliance is a fucking absolute truth thing so my biggest tip is to start building comfort the first 5 minutes and then immediatily after she shows signs of comfort start with attraction without hesitation (or even if you can do it since moment one go for it)

Sorry for this long post but if you are really interested don’t hesitate to shoot me a message so we can share experiences and tips, and please if you have any tips or recommendations on how I can get better (especially for escalation and to be more subtle in the pull) please let me know, anything will be valuable. Thanks for reading